12 More Sentences No One Has Ever Said
1. I completely understand why Occupy Wall Street is happening and firmly believe that these tactics will lead to major reform and widespread changes by early this afternoon.
2. Apple Computer announced it’s newest product today: edible wedding rings.
3. The invisible sheriff asked me to grill him an ostrich steak smothered in the nectar of a giraffe’s adrenal gland.
4. The decision to replace Casual Fridays with Naked Tuesdays has resulted in zero complaints and increased morale since it was implemented five years ago.
5. Thanks again for kneeing me in the groin.
6. I do not regret licking the floor of that public restroom.
7. Nothing turns me on more than a hacking, phlegm-producing cough.
8. His penchant for drinking used motor oil and his love of Russian roulette were the two main reasons he lived to see his 108th birthday.
9. I haven’t seen a car commercial in a while.
10. Sometimes we take long drives just so we can enjoy the sound of hearing our kids fight over dumb things like “who gets to control the air vents” or “who likes Starburst the most”.
11. Despite being a vegetarian, she did enjoy her weekly Sunday night meal of roasted pheasant served on the carcass of a dead zebra.
12. Bryan Allain needs nostril enlargement surgery.