12 More Sentences No One Has Ever Said

Billions of sentences are spoken every day all over the world.

Even so, I can almost guarantee that these specific utterances have never been blurted out before.

12 Sentences No One Has Ever Said

1. My favorite dessert is Yorkshire terriers drizzled with pigeon vomit.

2. I wish my children would spend more time talking about the Christmas gifts they want and less time praying for spiritual discernment.

3. Here is the mirror, hair clippers, and pouch of food stamps you asked for, Mr. Trump.

4. I’m so hungry, I could eat some used bandaids torn from the inner thighs of offensive lineman.

5. I’ve been praying that you’d break wind for a decade now, and to see the hand of God move on your bowels like that has me dancing with the angels.

6. I will not rest my weary head upon the pillow of common sense until every last keyboard on earth has moved the ‘i’ key to it’s proper place between the ‘h’ and the ‘j’.

7. The President believes the robot-baby born earlier today poses no threat to the future of our civilization and encourages all humans who are sexually involved with robots to procreate.

8. The frozen placenta in your freezer has increased my appetite like the swollen ankles of a water-retaining woman in her third trimester.

9. I’m thinking we should all go bowling, catch that new chick flick, smoke crack cocaine, or get gender reassignment surgery.

10. Frosted flakes without taco seasoning is like being a hockey goalie without a mask, a glove, and a junk protector.

11. It was a risky surgery, but only because we made the last-minute decision to cut her open with a plastic straw.

12. This fire drill was completely expected and totally necessary to our survival as employees of this company.

Okay, your turn.

Go silly, serious, or stupid and give us a sentence that’s never been uttered before.

Best one wins a cyber monday high five.