10 Sentences No One Has Ever Said

Billions of sentences are spoken every day all over the world.

Even so, I can almost guarantee that these specific utterances have never been blurted out before.

10 Sentences No One Has Ever Said

1. “There’s three things you can always count on in life: taxes, the death star, and the BCS getting it right every time.”

2. “We the jury find the defendant not guilty of first degree murder, but we also find him extremely guilty of being a first-degree grade A piece of hot man-flesh.”

3. “Simon Cowell was hospitalized today for complications stemming from too much humility.”

4. “Jimmy, get that family of raccoons out of your mouth before you hurt them.”

5. “Sparky Bolton, a retired ice fisherman born without a chin, was found dead at the age of five late last night.”

6. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the future of our great country, and an inspiration for people sporting skin-colored beards all around the world, Spencer Pratt.”

7. “Renowned harpist Bryan Allain sold out the L.A. Coliseum for the fifth straight night.”

8. “Yes officer, I do know how fast I was going because I have two working eyes and a functioning dashboard you overweight, under-loved, waste of a badge.”

9. “Showing up to your first day of work here at State Farm with nothing but a sock over your privates and a Scream mask on was a great decision, Mister Seacrest.”

10. “There isn’t nearly enough starfish feces in this salsa.”

Simple enough right? So now it’s your turn.

Go silly, stupid, or snarky, and give me a sentence that has never been uttered before.