Yesterday I purchased a book at a large bookstore chain.
As I was checking out, the employee asked me if I was a member of their rewards program.
In that split second before I answered, my imagination did what it does best.
How I envisioned the conversation playing out:
Employee: Are you a member of our rewards program?
Me: Nope.
Employee: Would you like to sign up? You’ll save 10% on your purchase today.
Me: No, I’m good thanks.
Employee: Are you sure?
Me: Yeah, not interested.
Employee: Really??? You’ll save 10% today and get coupons for other great deals throughout the year.
Me: No, I’m very sure that I am not interested. I appreciate you doing your job, but I am not at all interested.
Employee: It’s just that being a rewards member is free, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to be a part.
Me: Are you being serious right now?
Employee: Why, do I look like I’m joking?
Me: No, but you are disrespecting me by ignoring what I’m saying. Please check me out or I’m going to buy this book on Amazon.com, maybe you’ve heard of them before?
Employee: Ooh good one, funny man. Maybe you should start a humor blog since you’re such a riot.
Me: BryanAllain.com, you insufferable lemming. Check it out on your next break.
Employee: I’d rather get my tongue caught in the escalator than read anything you write, you ungrateful big-nosed money waster. Maybe you should add a Dave Ramsey book to your cart before you leave.
Me: My friend Jon works for Dave Ramsey, and I can assure you that Dave would never waste his time with your ridiculous rewards program.
Employee: Well, here’s your book you paid an extra 70 cents for because you’re a namedropping dingbat who doesn’t know how to handle his money.
Me: And here’s a dirty look to think about when you go to bed tonight and wonder what quadrant of Hades your soul is hiding in.
Employee: I hate you. Die.
Me: Right back at you.
How the conversation ACTUALLY went:
Employee: Are you a member of our rewards program?
Me: Nope.
Employee: Okay, here’s your purchase. Have a nice day!
Me: You too!
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Am I the only one who imagines conversations going a whole lot different than they actually do?