Sometimes Tyler Stanton and I get angry at people. Instead of yelling at them, we hold it in and write them letters we’ll never actually deliver because we’re punks.
These are those letters.
Dear Chase Bank,
With the amount of wasted paper you’ve sent us in the form of junk mail over the past 6 months, I could have created a half-scale replica of Fangorn Forest in my backyard.
Why do you hate the planet so much?
Angrily yours, Tyler & Bryan
PS – Help Woodsy spread the word, tell your friends what you’ve heard. In the city or in the woods, trees keep America looking good. Hoot Hoot!
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Dear Person with the Fake Testicles Hanging from your Back Bumper,
Can we sit down and talk about what message you’re trying to get out there?
If you’re trying to tell us the gender of your car, perhaps a subtle “XY” sticker on your back windshield could alert us to the chromosomal makeup of your vehicle.
Or is it the size of the testicles in question that we should be paying attention to? If so, you might want to get those checked out. There’s really nothing funny about swollen balls.
Either way, I can’t wait for the day when my kids notice your display of fake genitalia. That’s gonna be a fun ride.
Angrily yours, Tyler & Bryan
PS – It’s kind of gross and probably a sign that your IQ matches the day of the month you were born on.
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How about you?
You guys kill this every time we do it. Got any more angry letter you need to write?