Last night as I was looking through the channel guide I couldn’t help but notice some of the ridiculous infomercials that were out there.
Don’t get me wrong, asinine half-hour product commercials have been around for decades. But some of these seemed even more foolish than usual.
Here’s the Worst of the Worst that I could find.
The 6 Dumbest Infomercials on TV
Number 6 – Brazilian Butt
When Leandro was a small boy many wondered what he would become one day. Doctor, professor, … maybe even a schoolteacher.
Strangely, no one guessed he would become the Brazilian Butt Master.
And yet the name of the show is simply: “Brazilian Butt”.
Does everyone from Brazil have a desirable backside? Are we stereotyping body parts based on country of origin? Is there paperwork involved that registers one’s bum as a citizen of Brazil?
So many questions, yet only 30 minutes of answers.
Number 5 – Go Weeks Without Shaving
From the description it appears that the name of the product is no!no!. One word: awful.
Hey, here’s a great idea! Let’s name this product after something you’d yell at someone when they were about to make a terrible purchasing decision!
While we’re here, let’s all agree the words “hair removal” and “comfort” should never be used in the same sentence ever again. Deal? Deal.
Also worth mentioning? You technically don’t need a product to go weeks without shaving. You can just put the razor down and, well, go weeks without shaving.
Number 4 – Best Bra Ever!
And really that’s all there needs to be said about it.
Adding a description would just muddy the waters.
Best. Bra. Ever!
Number 3 – Paint in Minutes!
Correct me if I’m wrong here, but isn’t the time that it takes to paint something largely dependent on what you’re painting, not what you’re painting with?
Of course, the counter argument is that anything can be painted in minutes. Not to get too technical here but minutes are a unit of measurement, not a duration of time.
Heck Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sistene Chapel in 2.1 million minutes. Imagine what he could have done with the New Paint Zoom Power Sprayer.
Number 2 – Wesley Snipes Uses Total Gym
And the award for “Last Creatively Titled Television Program in the History of Civilization” goes to…
I mean, seriously? This is the best you could do? The best claim you can make about your product is that Wesley Snipes uses it? Unless this programming block was purchased in 1991, your marketing team crapped the bed on this one.
Oh by the way, Wesley Snipes is in jail serving a 3-year prison term for tax evasion. Maybe a better name for this program would be “Wesley Snipes DOES NOT Use the Total Gym”. Just a thought.
Also, what does Total Gym XLS stand for? eXtra Loan money for Snipes? eXcessive Lat workout in Solitary?
Let’s move on before I get myself in trouble.
Number 1 – Carve Abs in Bed!
The only thing you can carve in bed is a turkey, which is probably what most people who buy this product are doing while they watch this show.
Let’s assume for a second that this technology was able to give you great abs while you laid down and did no exercise (a premise more ridiculous than every plot of Alias combined).
Even if this was possible, how would you be able to sleep through it? I wake up when the covers get pulled off my back and you’re telling me I’ll sleep through the development of eye-popping, rock hard abs?
Stronger muscles WITHOUT exercise, huh? It’s a claim that makes the Shake Weight look sensible. I’m sorry, but the only way you’re carving abs in bed is with a bowie knife.
My two cents: Just keep eating that turkey and get yourself a Total Gym XLS.
What do you think? Which one of these is the dumbest? (or the most watchable?)