Sometimes Tyler Stanton and I get angry at people. Instead of yelling at them, we hold it in and write them letters we’ll never actually deliver because we’re punks.
These are those letters.
Dear Kroger cashier who clearly would rather be chain smoking Newport lights than scanning my groceries,
I don’t care if you stick my milk in a bag or not.
I don’t care if you stick it in the cart, stick it on your head, or stick it in a huge treasure chest with fake gold coins and a hermit crab.
I only have so many decisions in me, Ashleyy with two y’s, let’s not waste one on this.
And speaking of waste, let’s do something about those roots, honey.
Angrily yours, Tyler & Bryan
PS – take your super saver card and shove it
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Dear Guys Who Pick Up My Trash,
I really appreciate the fact that you haul away my refuse on a weekly basis. Really, I do.
But do you have to try and set the world record for Most Noise Made at 4am every single Friday morning? I swear, it’s like your banging the cans against the side of the truck just to wake me up.
Last week it sounded like one of you plugged into an amp and played the intro to Zeppelin’s Immigrant Song.
For the love of all that is quiet and asleep, please just take my garbage and move on.
Angrily Yours, Tyler and Bryan
PS – Do you have to compact the trash right outside my window every time? No. No, you don’t.
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Dear TheLadders.com,
I don’t care how hard it is for people who make more than $100,000 to find jobs.
Not even a little bit.
Angrily yours, Tyler & Bryan
PS – Take your tennis court commercial and shove it.
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How about you? Got an angry letter you need to write?