42 Starbucks Flavor FAILS

Every October I share with you, my dear readers, the list of Starbucks flavors that didn’t make the cut.

This October will be no different, as my spies are already deep inside the mermaid’s lair sneaking out illegal copies of R&D notebooks and taste test samples.

In the meantime, I thought I’d refresh your memory on some of the past flavor bombs that we’ve uncovered.

From the first 21 Flavor Fails:

4. Feather Blend - From the beaches of Florida to the parks of Manhattan, we filter every majestic cup of this blend through a bed of discarded bird feathers to give you a cup of joe that will make your taste buds soar.

7. Columbian Gutter - 100% columbian beans are roasted and brewed to perfection and then poured onto the roof of our building so that it can run through our gutters and into a makeshift carafe in the parking lot. Then we bring that carafe inside and treat you to a mug of coffee bliss.

8. Ear Candle Harvest - Not for the faint of heart, this October favorite starts strong and finishes stronger. *a medical waiver must be signed before consuming Ear Candle Harvest.

16. Circus Peanut Jubilee – Hold the Splenda on this cup…in fact, you might want to add some lemon juice or malic acid to counter the extraordinary sweetness of this brew. Served with 2 circus peanuts floating in your cup and a side of insulin.

And from last year’s 21 Flavor Fails:

3. Kona and Koins - what do you get when you mix Hawaii’s finest beans with change from the cash registers of Hawaii’s finest convenience stores? This intoxicating blend of coffee, copper, and hand germs. Drink up!

10. Hockey Pad Drizzle - If you’re not a fan of salty coffee, you might want to sit out this shift.

17. Antique Drapes – Hints of mold, mildew, and ancient dust dance in your mouth as you drink in this Victorian cup of wonder. One sip will whisk you away to a house built in the 1800s filled with spiders and a heavy sense of impending doom.

Enjoy that cup of joe and have a great weekend everyone!

  • http://thepaperskies.com David Helms

    I have a theory that the way Starbucks roasts their beans is by loading them onto a some sort of futuristic space craft and flying them through the sun.

    This is how they get their signature “burnt beyond all recognition” flavor, also why it is so expensive. Rocket fuel is not cheap my friend.

  • http://www.bethcoulton.com Beth Coulton

    I’m sitting here laughing so hard I’m crying! This is fantastic! Thanks for positively making my otherwise dreary morning!

  • http://www.peaceablysown.com Philip

    Lol I agree with Dave. My comment is that no matter the flavor it all turns out burnt in the end.

  • http://iamlazarus2010.blogspot.com/ Lazarus

    Why come up with failed flavors? Some of what they have going now are terrible!!!

    I prefer a Large ChickFila with about 8 Hazelnut Creamers. Free Creamers, dude!!!

  • http://www.undistractedchristian.com Tyler H

    If it has the flavor of coffee in it, it is already a failure in my book. I write really weird books.

  • http://erniereppe.com Ernie

    I didn’t know Columbia, SC produced coffee beans. Are they better than Colombian beans? :)

    Sorry, I’m a Colombian spelling snob because my boys were born there…and my friend Moe is Colombian :) And yes, you can totally punch me in the face if you ever see me!