The 7 Worst Things To Say When You Arrive

My friend Jon Acuff’s #1 post on his blog in 2011 was entitled “How to be a better parent in 4 seconds”. If you’re too lazy to click over, the idea is this: “Hang up and arrive”.

He goes on to say:

…when you walk through the door after work or a trip or an errand, don’t be on the phone.

One of the greatest ways to destroy a little kid who is waiting for you is to come home and still be on your cell phone.

The post is great and the advice is really solid (like most of Jon’s stuff). But that’s not why we’re here today. We’re here because his post got me thinking of the worst things you could say when you walk in the door.

So without getting too mean-spirited or vulgar, I tried to come up with some of the worst possible things you could say upon arriving at home. You’ll get your turn to add to the list in a minute.

The 7 Worst Things to Say When You Arrive

1. “I’m wearing a bomb!” – mostly because my kids would think it was cool and would want to see it. And then if they were ever in a situation later in life where someone WAS wearing a bomb, they wouldn’t take it seriously.

2. “Guess who thought ahead yesterday and bought taco bell for us to eat tonight!” – If you really were thinking ahead, you’d have a bag of pepto and TP in your other hand.

3. “Hope you guys don’t mind but I invited everyone at work to follow me here to abuse illegal drugs and sleep in our basement!” – forget the drugs, I’d be more in trouble for the uninvited guests.

4. “There’s a perfectly good explanation for why I’m not wearing any clothes” – and as soon as I can make it up, I’ll tell you.

5. “Our family is getting a dog AND a cat!” – Okay, maybe this is just my own personal nightmare. (don’t hate me, animal lovers).

6. “I’m only here to change my underwear, then I have to go back to work.” – This may or may not have happened to me before.

7. “Enrique Iglesias Time!” – I’m not even sure what this means, but it sounds horrible.

Your turn.

What’s the worst thing to say when you arrive?