The 15 Most Embarrassing Things to Say to a Stranger

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I often wish that life had a rewind button. If it did, I would walk up to complete strangers and say the most ridiculous, most insane things I could imagine just to see how they would react.

Then right when they were about to punch me or have me committed to an asylum, I’d hit rewind so it never happened.

This twisted line of thinking got me wondering what the most embarrassing things you could say to a stranger would be. (Keeping it clean of course, because going sexual to embarrass someone would be way too easy.)

The 15 Most Embarrassing Things To Say to a Stranger

1. “I like fuzzy kittycats, warm eyes, and pretending household appliances have feelings.”

2. “I’ve never seen the inside of my own mouth because it scares me to death.”

3. “I have Regis Philbin’s face tattooed on my belly.”

4. “Are my chiseled arms properly proportioned to my incredibly humble ego, captain strangerpants?”

5. “Do you believe in aliens, because I’m about to hit that bathroom and abduct a giant turd.”

6. “I believe over-sized Blockbuster Video stores that sell DVDs, popcorn, and clown outfits, are poised to make a huge comeback.”

7. “If you tickle me, I will say hee hee and prance around like a rainbow lollipop on a cloud of unicorn wishes.”

8. “Something inside of me tells me we should be together, but lucky for you i never listen to the advice my duodenum gives me because it’s full of crap.”

9. “I’m rubber and you’re glue which means neither of us are human.”

10. “Fart-burps shine on all of us, don’t they?”

11. “Excuse me, would you mind if we touched palms right now so that the heel of my hand touched the heel of your hand and all of our finger pads were touching each other?”

12. “My life’s goal is to convince Nickelback to cover Enrique Iglesias dressed as trendy vampires.”

13. “I name all of my breaths. That last one was called Jeremy Calfman.”

14. “I’m chemically addicted to awkward conversations with strangers and your puzzled glance is making me so high right now.”

15. “I love reading Bryanallain.com”

That’s the best I have, but I’m sure there’s some real gems out there I missed.

Your turn.

What’s one of the most embarrassing, non-sexual, things you could say to a stranger?

Comments

  • Steph Kandray

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    I was just thinking that you and I were destined to do the Macarena together in that Applebees bathroom, so right this way.

    • Nancy Marion Hamic

      Nov 23, 2015

      Weird I love it!I hate you
      Nancy encarnacao

    • Nancy Marion Hamic

      Nov 23, 2015

      Jerbsehb I am jibberish

    • Nancy Marion Hamic

      Nov 23, 2015

      Jerbsehb I am jibberish
      2we ate love we are destind to get married.

    • mule

      Dec 27, 2015

      hell yeah baby

  • ChadJ

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    “Pardon me, may I take shelter from the summer heat in the shade of your giant proboscis?”

    “Do you have any gray poop on?”

    “Have you seen any of the ‘Truth About’ videos? Because the truth is out there. Somewhere.

  • seekingpastor

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    “Barry Manilow is a jew–agree or disagree?”

  • dethbyvocab

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    excuse me, i was just considering the pros and cons of becoming serial killer. ya know, like Dexter? so i’d only kill bad guys. thoughts? are you a bad guy?

    • Ricky Anderson

      Jan 03, 2011

      Hilarious!

      I like the blog, too.

    • dethbyvocab

      Jan 03, 2011

      thanks. i do what i can. which is not much.

  • Joseph

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    “You remind me of the baby. What baby? The baby with the power. What power? Power of voodoo. Who do? You do. Do what? Remind me of the baby.”

    “You want to see some pictures that show how intuitive my cat is?”

    “Hey buddy… Can you give me a lift? No, no… Can you just lift me up on your shoulders?”

    • Katie McNemar

      Jan 03, 2011

      Awesome Labyrinth reference.

  • Jason

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    “You remind me of my friend’s mom when I was 16.”

    “I enjoy the high quality, intelligent comedy of Will Farrell. You?”

    “Have you ever seen The Human Centipede?”

  • Mary Beth

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    “Oops. I just peed my pants! Do you have any baby wipes I could borrow?”

  • dethbyvocab

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    god told me we should date.

  • hip hopopotomous

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    boy are you fat!

  • Ricky Anderson

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    Do my armpits smell like goat cheese?

    Hi, my name is NotAStalker42, and I follow you on Twitter. Thanks for turning on location updates!

  • Tweets that mention The 15 Most Embarrassing Things to Say to a Stranger | BryanAllain.com — Topsy.com

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Bryan Allain. Bryan Allain said: The 15 Most Embarrassing Things to Say to a Stranger (feat. aliens, touching palms, & a Regis tattoo) http://t.co/O3RHgR4 […]

  • Jordan

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    Hey would you mind taking a look at my inner thigh for a moment? No there’s nothing wrong with it I just think you should see it.

  • Larry Hehn

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    “You look like you could use some Preparation H!”

  • Patty

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    I just dropped my popsicle and stepped on it. Now it tastes like a sand and watermelon slush. Wanna put some yumminess in your pocket for later?

  • Jay Sauser

    Jan 03, 2011

    Reply

    #14 was pretty much… if i do say so myself!

  • Lazarus

    Jan 04, 2011

    Reply

    “When I was a turtle, life was sooooo much easier.”

    “I will pay you a used cigarette butt for 3 toe nails, Sylvester Stallone”

    • Lazarus

      Jan 04, 2011

      oh, and I just found the inspiration for next year’s halloween costume…Captain Strangerpants! Great line!

  • random ruminations,… | Teapot Theology

    Jan 17, 2011

    Reply

    […] Gospel according to Leonard Cohen, Passionate for passion, Confessions of a not-so-good evangelist! Embarrassing things to say to a stranger,….. and just be reminded: How much you are […]

  • Tapper

    Jun 21, 2011

    Reply

    If I lay here, If I just lay here, will you lay with me and just forget the world.

    • juliaelizabeth

      Aug 20, 2012

      you dumb shitt, thats a good song

  • Chate chilima

    Jun 27, 2012

    Reply

    I was once watching tv with my grandmother(who is almost in a blind state) and baby brother, unfortunatly a pretty sensitive sceen came on and i broke the remote out of astonishment,just then my grandmother thought it was a fight and started cheering just then my mother came in….DAMN DID I GET IT…the following day my brother was making the same morns.

  • jghj

    Jun 17, 2013

    Reply

    you starw war player

  • jghj

    Jun 17, 2013

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    hahahhah

  • jghj

    Jun 17, 2013

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    hah

  • jghj

    Jun 17, 2013

    Reply

    hhh

  • Josaline hueghs

    Jun 10, 2015

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    Hey I like the inside of your house it’s nice… We should hang there some time. (Stranger doesn’t know who is talking to them)

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    Dec 13, 2015

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    Dec 17, 2015

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    Dec 22, 2015

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    Dec 31, 2015

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    I started writing a book, and I wanted to put the chapters of the book on a different blog then my other less thrilling post. I don’t know how to, though,.

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