Welcome to Cliche Thursday, where we occasionally deconstruct 5 expressions that we’ve all become a little too familiar with.
Here we go…
“He marches to the beat of a different drummer” – wait, is the beat different or is the drummer different?
I mean, if it’s a different drummer, is that really a big deal? Ask any drummer to lay down something you can march to and he or she is all over it.
But a different beat, well, that’s a different story. You ever seen anyone try to march to a 5/4 time signature? It’s a hot mess.
“She’s got a new lease on life” – sucks for her.
I mean, it’s great that things have turned around, but she’s got to make monthly payments, she’s got to watch her mileage, and there’s probably going to be a turn-in fee in a few years.
She probably should have just bought something used in her price range.
“It’s a touch and go situation” – Is it really? Where I’m from they call that sexual assault.
“You make a better door than a window” – A little personal note here. I never fully understood this one as a kid and would constantly botch it every time I tried to use it. “Hey…You’re making a better window..I mean, your body is like a door…umm…get out of my way I can’t see the TV!”
Now that I’m older I guess I get it. I mean, I understand the window part…but do we really make better doors? Could you hinge my body to a door frame and use me to keep people out of your living room? Can you install a latch and a lock in my right palm? Would you have to construct a door frame the exact size of my body to prevent drafts and bugs from getting in? If so, wouldn’t it be really awkward trying to step through a door frame that was the shape of my silhouette?
Clearly a better expression would have been “You make a better wall than a window” or “You make a better earthen vessel for housing internal organs and a soul than a window.” Oh well.
“It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack” – when you employed this figure of speech you were trying to convey that the situation was almost impossible, right? Well, you FAIL. When you use this phrase here’s what I’m thinking.
“This situation is not really that hard with the right tools” – give me a metal detector and I’ll find your needle in about 12 minutes.
“This situation is dumb.” – needles cost about 20 cents each? Just go buy a new one.
“This situation is your own fault” – who tries to sew something on a stack of hay? Ever heard of a chair?
PS…for past editions of Cliche Thursday, click here.