There’s this guy at my favorite lunch pizza place who insists on giving me a familiar greeting every time i go into the store.
“Hey! Great to see you again sir,” he says, proud of himself for recognizing me.
I HATE IT.
This clown might as well be saying, “Hey it’s you again, fatty! Despite your common features – save for your big nose – I totally know who you are because you and your out of control cholesterol levels are in here more than I am. How many grams of fat and carbs do you want today?”
Got me thinking…What are the worst things to hear when you walk into a pizza place?
Here’s the best I could come up with.
The 10 Worst Pizza Joint Greetings
1. “Bryan!” – Means you’ve run my credit card so much you know my name. The next step is giving me my own speed dial button on the cash register.
2. “Norm!” – Similar to #1, but it means they don’t know your name because you pay cash only. Instead, they’ve nicknamed you after a lazy bar sloth from a 25-year old sitcom.
3. “Fire up the second oven!” – Means you probably should cut the number of slices you eat in half. And then divide that number by four.
4. “Can I help you die, you self-absorbed prick?” – Means you should have picked one of the 30 other pizza places in town, and not the one your ex-girlfriend works at.
5. “Um sir, we’ve got plenty of our own sausage here already” – Means you should have worn more than boxer briefs out of the house.
6. “Sorry, we just closed 2 minutes ago” – Means they just closed 2 minutes ago.
7. “We don’t serve your type here” – Means you are wearing either A) a bluetooth earpiece, B) a tucked in shirt with no belt, or C) a Co-Ed Naked Volleyball shirt, circa 1993.
8. “I don’t care if he’s got a shirt and sunglasses on, he can’t come in” – Means you’ve once again tried and failed to eat pizza indoors with your dog.
9. “Freeze!” – Means you just walked into a reverse holdup.
10. “Lock the bathroom!” – Means you don’t get the pizza To Go, the pizza gets YOU to go.
If you’ve got any other terrible greetings, let us hear them.
Also, this whole thing also got me wondering (and forgive me if I’ve asked this before), what is your favorite piece of pizza?
I’ll go first.