Clean as a Whistle

Welcome to Cliche Thursday, where each week we deconstruct 5 expressions that we’ve all become a little too familiar with and ask you for some of your own least favorites.

Here we go…

“great minds think alike”(submitted by Travis who said “Great minds do not think alike. If this cliche were true, we would still be sitting in the dark and using the quaint strings tied to two cans to communicate. It really chaps my hide.”)

Great point Travis. Every technological advance we have is due to the fact that people think differently. Otherwise you’d be reading this blog via telegram. stop. and that would be annoying. stop.

And have you ever noticed that this expression is never uttered when it’s two genuinely great minds involved? It’s either one bright guy and one idiot, in which case the bright guy smiles and thinks to himself “how dare you?” or it’s two dolts trying to make each other feel good.

(if you agreed with everything I just said, you are allowed to say ‘great minds think alike’)

“count your blessings” – 1, 2, 3, 4…what’s the point of this? Is this supposed to make me feel better?

5,6,7,8…this doesn’t seem to be working. Can I think about my blessings or talk about my blessings or enjoy my blessings instead of counting them? No?

Okay…8, 9, 10, 11…

“feeling under the weather”(submitted by Mandy Guss)

If people only ever said this when they were feeling sick on miserable rainy days, I’d be ok with it.

But I’d like to start a trend where you can use this expression anytime your mood matches the weather.

So if it’s a beautiful day and you feel great, you’re feeling “under the weather”.

If it’s cold and rainy and you feel like you were just run over by a hearse, you’re feeling “under the weather”.

If you are in the peaceful eye of a hurricane and you just enjoyed a relaxing massage despite the fact that you got fired yesterday and you’re going to jail tomorrow, you’re “feeling under the weather”.

Join the revolution…

“from the mouths of babes” – How this expression garnered a positive connotation is beyond me. For every cute googoo and gaga that comes out of a baby’s mouth, you get 41 spit-ups, 117 screaming episodes, and 50 “change my soiled diaper” cries.

Makes me wonder if the expression used to be longer and it was mistakenly truncated at some point. for instance…

“From the mouths of babes comes anguish.”

“From the mouths of babes come vile fluids that warrant repeat trips to the dry cleaners.”

“From the mouths of babes come 3:30am wake up calls.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love babies. I’m just not a big fan of their mouths.

“clean as a whistle”(submitted by Keith who said “Unless your whistle is brand new, chances are that it is not clean… It is in fact filled crusty saliva remnants.”)

Great submission Keith. As you astutely pointed out, few things are as unclean as a whistle.

In fact, here’s a list of things I’d rather put in my mouth than a clean whistle:

  • a used band-aid
  • the spit valve of a trumpet
  • the bathroom doorknob at the doctor’s office
  • acid rain cascading off the melting glaciers from global warming
  • one of Rosie O’Donnell’s burps
  • vinegar
  • a ball of yarn being played with by a rabid kitten

I guess we should be saying, “dirty as a whistle”, shouldn’t we?

What About You: Any expressions stuck in your craw lately?

Add them to the list so we can skewer them in the coming weeks.