Today is the first day of the month, and depending on which month you’re reading this in, you’ve probably already heard some variation of the phrase “Can you believe it’s June/October/May already!!!” roughly 37 times.
Even though I don’t know you very well, I bet your response was one of these 3:
- “I know, crazy, huh?”
- “This year is TOTALLY flying by!”
- “Yeah, seems like [insert holiday that was 3 months ago] was just a few weeks ago!”
I say, forget the canned response. Someone needs to take a stand against overused cliches (even if they do hold a little bit of truth), so why not me and my readers. Therefore I submit to you…
Alternative responses to “Can you believe it’s already XXX???”
“Yes.” You’ll be tempted to say more, but just let that “yes” dangle out there like a boog hanging in your boss’s nose hair. In those few seconds of awkward silence you’ll learn a lot about Neil, trust me. (We’re going to pretend you’re talking to Neil for the remainder of the post. Hope you’re okay with that.)
“No, it seemed like just yesterday I was heavy petting with my wife under the mistletoe” – This is a great variation to response #3 above. (replace “under the mistletoe” with “on valentine’s day” or “under the fireworks” depending on the time of year). It not only gives positive feedback to Neil, but it also lets him know that you love your wife and you enjoy being intimate with her. You affirm Neil AND the institution of marriage in one statement. Good for you!
“IT”S ALREADY _____??!!! HOLY FECES!!!! WHERE DID THE YEAR GO??!!!” For effect you can either sprint away from the conversation like your boxer briefs are on fire or punch Neil in the kidney as you scream. It’s a win either way.
“Yes I can believe that. But what I can’t believe is that you’re so uncomfortable around me, you need to resort to cliched conversation starters like that turdbomb you just uttered” Works well when you’re really trying to turn a person off and ensure they never speak to you again.
“Who cares?” because really, who cares?
“No, I believe that everyone is trying to play a huge prank on me. From CNN to the Page-A-Day Calendar company to the Internet, I think it’s all an elaborate hoax. As far as I’m concerned, none of us have any idea what day it is.” A favorite among conspiracy theorists.
“I don’t believe in the Gregorian Calendar. And according to the Julian Calendar it’s actually still the 23rd.” If this is something you’ve actually said before, there’s a 96% chance that you were on your high school’s quiz bowl team or you’ve seen every episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
“I just read a blog post about that. Check out Bryan Allain’s Blog!” shameless.
“Yeah, I know. Totally feels like August!” (or whatever month happens to be coming 8 weeks from now) You need to really sell this one, but if you can pull it off it is guaranteed to confuse and bewilder.
Or are you more of a “give the expected response and move on with the conversation” type of person?