Today is the first day of the month, and depending on which month you’re reading this in, you’ve probably already heard some variation of the phrase “Can you believe it’s June/October/May already!!!” roughly 37 times.
Even though I don’t know you very well, I bet your response was one of these 3:
- “I know, crazy, huh?”
- “This year is TOTALLY flying by!”
- “Yeah, seems like [insert holiday that was 3 months ago] was just a few weeks ago!”
I say, forget the canned response. Someone needs to take a stand against overused cliches (even if they do hold a little bit of truth), so why not me and my readers. Therefore I submit to you…
Alternative responses to “Can you believe it’s already XXX???”
“Yes.” You’ll be tempted to say more, but just let that “yes” dangle out there like a boog hanging in your boss’s nose hair. In those few seconds of awkward silence you’ll learn a lot about Neil, trust me. (We’re going to pretend you’re talking to Neil for the remainder of the post. Hope you’re okay with that.)
“No, it seemed like just yesterday I was heavy petting with my wife under the mistletoe” – This is a great variation to response #3 above. (replace “under the mistletoe” with “on valentine’s day” or “under the fireworks” depending on the time of year). It not only gives positive feedback to Neil, but it also lets him know that you love your wife and you enjoy being intimate with her. You affirm Neil AND the institution of marriage in one statement. Good for you!
“IT”S ALREADY _____??!!! HOLY FECES!!!! WHERE DID THE YEAR GO??!!!” For effect you can either sprint away from the conversation like your boxer briefs are on fire or punch Neil in the kidney as you scream. It’s a win either way.
“Yes I can believe that. But what I can’t believe is that you’re so uncomfortable around me, you need to resort to cliched conversation starters like that turdbomb you just uttered” Works well when you’re really trying to turn a person off and ensure they never speak to you again.
“Who cares?” because really, who cares?
“No, I believe that everyone is trying to play a huge prank on me. From CNN to the Page-A-Day Calendar company to the Internet, I think it’s all an elaborate hoax. As far as I’m concerned, none of us have any idea what day it is.” A favorite among conspiracy theorists.
“I don’t believe in the Gregorian Calendar. And according to the Julian Calendar it’s actually still the 23rd.” If this is something you’ve actually said before, there’s a 96% chance that you were on your high school’s quiz bowl team or you’ve seen every episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
“I just read a blog post about that. Check out Bryan Allain’s Blog!” shameless.
“Yeah, I know. Totally feels like August!” (or whatever month happens to be coming 8 weeks from now) You need to really sell this one, but if you can pull it off it is guaranteed to confuse and bewilder.
What about you? Can you think of a good response to the “I can’t believe it’s already (today’s month)!!!” comment?
Or are you more of a “give the expected response and move on with the conversation” type of person?
“No, the space-time continuum must be jacked!”
can’t lose with a reference to the good ole STC!
All I know is, that was dang funny, and I’m adding you to my blogroll.
thanks Katdish!
how about “aaahhh yes, June… which means I need human blood to prevent the aging process again! How would you like to die?” Then pull out a dull knife and hold towards their throat but then pull it away when they looked scared and say “just joking!”
for effect you could ad either a mad scientist laugh or chanting
“I know! We’re all that much closer to death!” then smile until they walk away.
@nick – love the chanting idea. anytime you can incorporate chanting into something it’s a win.
@jordan – i think if you delivered this one with a huge smile on your face it would be gold. or if you did the “slit throat” thing with your thumb as you did it.
My stock response to clichéd statements: “That’s fine.”
Charlie: “Can you believe it’s June?”
Me: “That’s fine.”
Charlene: “Aren’t you glad it’s Friday?”
Me: “That’s fine.”
So annoying, yet so right.
What about
“Hmmmmm……” and just leaving it at that. Not yes, more like I have to contemplate it for a moment, and then I never stop contemplating….It is too much for my poor head to absorb….
“I don’t really have an opinion on it, but I’m terribly single and very lonely…and your cologne is quite inviting…”
Wow, Bryan, I cannot BELIEVE that January is actually OVER.
No Way! Holy cow, 1025days until the end of the world! Ahhhh! Sacrifice more goats and eat more chili!!!!!
-I’m thinking the person would just walk away from you. They’d never come back.-
Try this today (I would try it but I work at home and rarely come into contact with any type of small talk whatsoever):
Neil: “Can you believe it’s already July?”
You: (high pitched, singing voice) “You know what that means…”
Then walk away. Then, time how long it takes for that person to approach you again to find out exactly “what that means.”
There are already some sad, sad people looking for Christmas decorations in July.
I’ll go ahead and say this is awesome.
It tells me I need to go deeper into your archives.
it’s september 1st? already? geez, seems like just yesterday it was august 31st…
“You know what I can’t believe, you jackwagon, is that it’s November, and it’s still so friggin’ hot! Thanks for reminding me!” [rolleyes]
“Uh, yeah, sure. Afterall, it is Indian Summer… Oh, wait, can I say that? I mean Native American Summer… Er…”
“NATIVE AMERICAN SUMMER? WTH IS THAT, PONY-BOY!” [walks away in disgust]
“Yes–but I call it “the month of no pants.” and then start fiddling with your belt.
terrifying. well played.
When all else fails, go with a pants-less comment. It works.
you and my husband would get along nicely.
“Sounds like fun” to steal from my husband’s playbook. That is his trademark comment to every status I post on facebook.
holy feces. . . what a fine example this sets for me. i think it get it now!
“Can’t? or Won’t?!
Seriously, take some responsibility for your choices. No one is forcing you to believe anything. It is your choice, my friend.”
Different people all over the world take the loans from various creditors, because that is easy and fast.