Apparently the Church of Scientology is ready to claim Tom Cruise (the infamous couch jumper) as it’s own Jesus. No, seriously. According to this article, Leader David Miscavige also believes that in years to come the Mission: Impossible actor will be worshipped like Jesus for his efforts to raise the profile of the religion.

One more thing about Tom Cruise, listen to the reaction of Oprah’s female fans when he gets introduced. Who’s crazier, him or them? If grown women acted like that when you walked into a room, you might go a little off the deep end yourself. These women are lunatics. When they start screaming for Katie Holmes to come out it’s like they’re possessed. If a few of them ran down on stage and threw Katie in a pot of boiling broth and started doing tribal dances around the fire it wouldn’t have been much of a stretch. yikes.

Finally, no Tom Cruise post would be complete without this gem of a video clip. If you’ve never seen it before, Tom gets water squirted at him on a red carpet and proceeds to chastise the perpetrator like he’s his father for what seems like an eternity. You’ll get classic lines like “Why would you do that?”, “Do you like making less of people?”, and “You’re a jerk!”. high comedy.