Scratching the Non-Itch, Volume I

The answer is 4.9.

Confused? Of course you are. I just gave you a solution without giving you a problem. Solutions are great, but without a problem, they’re pointless and confusing.

This happens all the time in the marketing world. Companies create features and tout benefits no one really wants. They offer solutions to non-existent problems, which my friend Tyler refers to as “scratching the non-itch”.

Here are 3 examples I’ve noticed over the last couple of months.

1. The Trackpad Click

How many times have you heard someone complain about how annoying the “clicking” on a trackpad is?

Never? Me either.

So how do we explain this ad?

But hey, now you can say “No!” to something that you’ve never had a problem with before, because holding your arm in the air to press on a piece of glass at just enough pressure to register the touch but not knock it over seems much less annoying that clicking a trackpad.

2. The Napkin Dispenser

Finally, someone brave a enough to answer the question we’ve all been asking:

Who’s filling these napkin dispensers?!?!

Take those napkins with confidence, America!

(UPDATE: I just had a thought. Are they trying to save money by deterring people from taking napkins? If so, brilliant.)

3. The Punch Top Can

Are you annoyed that it takes a full 7 seconds to pour your can of beer into a glass?

Oh…you’re not because you just drink it out of the can? Oh, okay.

Well, are you annoyed that it’s hard to swig beer from a normal beer can?

Oh…you’re not because it’s easy unless you’re trying to ‘shotgun’ the beer? Oh okay.

Well, are you annoyed that when you’re trying to shotgun a beer in under five seconds so you can get sloppy drunk and make questionable decisions, that it actually takes seven or eight seconds to gulp it all down?

Well, we’ve got the can for you!

The Miller Lite Punch-Top Can!

Helping you binge drink in less time so you pass out at 12:13am instead of 12:14am.

If you’ve got an example of scratching the non-itch, let us know.