Time for a Super Bowl XLVII edition of quotes that have never been uttered.
10 More Sentences No One Has Ever Said
1. I’m surprised CBS didn’t show Ray Lewis being introduced.
2. Wouldn’t this be a better product if the offensive lineman had to play shirtless?
3. This game starts way too early in the day.
4. Forget the commercials, I only watch for the 10-second local news cut-ins.
5. I was glad to hear they’re dumping warm raccoon urine on the winning coach this year instead of gatorade.
6. Football would be way better if the final scores were more like soccer, the pace was more like baseball, and the last three minutes of a game dragged on for a half hour like it does in basketball.
7. My favorite part of last night’s Old-Timers Pro Bowl game was when Howie Long fractured his hip while sacking and killing Joe Namath in the second quarter.
8. Remember that time the Harbaugh brothers crossed streams when they were peeing in the woods behind Old Man Jackson’s house?
9. I’d enjoy this broadcast way more if they replaced all of these ads with the Sarah McLachlan “Sad Animals in a Minor Key” commercial.
10. Despite the hype, watching this game tonight reminded me of what really matters in life.
You can read past editions of Sentences No One Has Ever Said here.