10 More Sentences No One Has Ever Said

Time for another edition of quotes that have never been uttered.

10 More Sentences No One Has Ever Said

1. I wish Facebook would change one thing every day and not tell us what it is.

2. Despite not being a doctor, I’d really like more information about this crotch rash you speak of.

3. In my opinion, foreplay isn’t great unless hot gravel and wool mittens are involved.

4. Instead of rings, the bride and groom have decided to exchange high fives and unopened packs of baseball cards as a token of their love today.

5. Scrape the queso from her mustache and sell it to that guy wearing the dolphin costume as soon as he drops both of his guns.

6. I’m saving my money to to buy that new Yankee Candle scent: Stale Marlboro Lights.

7. Nothing makes me feel a sense of calming peace more than watching a frazzled parent scold an obnoxious child in the middle of Target.

8. The three people I’d love to have dinner with are Kid Rock, Kid Rock’s uncle’s dentist, and Flo from the Progressive commercials.

9. With any luck I’ll see my grandparents making out on a purple futon later this week.

10. I can’t believe one of the best college football players in the country had a girlfriend who died on the same weekend as his grandmother only she didn’t really exist.

UPDATE: I guess people have said #10 now. Oh well, at least I’ve got 9 sentences no one has ever said.

Okay, your turn.

Give us a sentence no one has ever said before.

You can read past editions of Sentences No One Has Ever Said here.

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  • Daniel Rothamel

    Reading those YouTube comments has restored my faith in humanity.

  • http://middletree.blogspot.com James Williams

    I’m not really sick. I just like Pepto Bismol for the taste.

    • Bryan

      well done!

    • http://cricklepad.blogspot.com Crickle1969

      Actually as a kid i did pretend to have a stomach ache because i DID like the taste of Pepto

  • LarryTheDeuce

    I had an imaginary friend as a kid. Never an imaginary dead girlfriend.

  • http://randomlychad.com Chad

    When a man is alone in the forest, and says something…

    Never mind, that’s been uttered a thousand times.

  • http:www.worshipcenter.org Brad Aldrich

    Bryan, I was excited to hear you were sharing at Worship Center’s Valentines Date Night until I read #3. Ha Ha! Now I can’t wait!

  • http://somewiseguy.com ThatGuyKC

    Haha! Love this feature. Please keep them coming.

    “I corrected everyone who was wrong on the internet today.”

  • http://www.edfeathers.com Ed Feathers

    Man, that bird sure is good at magic!