Happy Birthday America! Time for a patriotic version of 10 More Sentences…
10 More Sentences No One Has Ever Said: July 4th Edition
1. Why don’t we eat hot dogs more often?
2. There’s still a huge part of me that wishes we were under Great Britain’s tyrannical, yet life-giving rule.
3. Hey dad, next year will you PLEASE wear an American flag thong in the pool?
4. Every moment of that fireworks show was original, captivating, and totally worth the tens of thousands of dollars they spent to make it happen.
5. In honor of the great Kobayashi you will be required to dip your hot dog bun in this tub of bath water before eating.
6. Just put the star spangled banner on repeat for the entire day, that song never gets old.
7. The police stopped by and said the only way they’d allow us to shoot off fireworks is if we stick them in the precious bellybuttons of infants before we light them.
8. Mmmm, warm potato salad that has been pooped on by twenty houseflies and three wasps in the last five minutes.
9. Yup, that red white and blue themed outfit with matching nails and hat was a terrific fashion statement.
10. You know, after spending the entire day in oppressive heat hanging around family and eating way too much terrible food, I feel fantastic!