I spoke at a church this past Sunday morning, and believe it or not I don’t remember seeing a single person get up and leave during either of the two services.
I’m sure it happened. I’m sure someone had a pressing need that had to be dealt with at that exact moment. But if it did, I somehow missed it.
When you’re a speaker, it feels like you ALWAYS notice the person getting up to leave. And when it happens you hold on for dear life and try your best NOT to get derailed.
If it wasn’t for the fact that you’re trying to communicate stories and principles to a group of folks who’ve entrusted their time to you, this internal dialogue would probably happen:
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Why is that person leaving? Do they have to go to the bathroom? I wonder if it’s #1 or #2. Probably #2 the way they are walking. Do I have to go #2? I think I might…
But man, they really seem to be taking their time. If they were jogging away from their seat right now I’d feel a whole lot better about this. We’ve all had emergencies like that. Heck, I wish they were unbuttoning their pants as they ran…that would be totally acceptable and a comforting sign to me that this situation is truly a “must-leave”…
But there’s no unbuttoning going on here and I think they just stopped to tie their shoe. Really? That can’t wait until you’re outside of my line of sight? No one actually trips on an untied shoelace, that’s like slipping on a banana peel…
Wait a second, they’re not tying a shoelace, they’re doing stretches! Unbelievable! I don’t care how tight your hamstrings are, I’m trying to speak here…
Unless they’re preparing to sprint after their kid? Maybe their kid is in trouble in the children’s area and they’re just assuming that it is such a dire situation that it demands a full on sprint. Does the children’s wing have a pond or a Bengal tiger that I don’t know about…
Wait, does this church have one of those number systems for their children’s program? Is there a big number flashing behind me right now? I wonder if it’s one of the LOST numbers, that would be rad. Or maybe it’s ‘666’ or ’69’ or some other number that has everyone distracted instead of listening to me. Man, I really miss LOST. What a great show…
Speaking of the Smoke Monster, can we get an usher to follow that person to make sure they’re not leaving just to light up? If you want to smoke that’s your deal, but if you’re interrupting my message to suck down a Newport Light, I will find you and hit you in your carcinogenic lungs with a bag of tar…
Why is everyone looking at me like that? Oops, I think I just spent the last 60 seconds having an internal dialogue about hamstrings and cigarettes. Guess I won’t be speaking here again. Thanks a lot, person who got up and left…now where was I?
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I know some of you speak from time to time. Have you ever been derailed by a leaver?
And for the rest of you, do you remember the last time you had to get up and leave during a sermon/message/speech?
Let us know in the comments (especially if you have a good story about a leaver).