I am an insecure blogger.
Most of the time, I’m not really sure what I’m doing here.
I look at other blogs, especially those with more traffic than mine, and assume that the authors of those blogs know exactly what they are doing all the time. In fact, right now they are probably sitting in a naturally-lit office with their feet propped up on a desk, eating grapes and nodding in affirmation at their blog’s majesty.
I am an insecure blogger.
I look at my stats a lot, and I’ll tell you it’s because I want to know where people are coming from and what is resonating with my readers.
Those things are true, of course, but so is the fact that I feel validated when my numbers are heading in the right direction. And yes, I feel like a disappointment when they’re not.
I am an insecure blogger.
I never skip a weekday post except for holidays, and I chalk it up to “being consistent”.
But mostly I think it’s fear. If I start skipping days here and there, is that going to eventually lead me to stop writing altogether? And If I ever stop writing here then who am I? And then I realize that more of my identity is wrapped up in my blog that I’d like to admit, and then I stop thinking about it so I can publish another blog post.
I am an insecure blogger.
And I don’t want you to comment on this post to say “you are great, don’t be so insecure!”
But we both know I’d enjoy every compliment anyway.
I am an insecure blogger.
And if you blog, I’m guessing you probably are too.
So if you look up to me because my blog has more traffic than yours, know that I don’t have it all figured out. We’re all pretty much winging it, day by day, post by post. And as much as that bothers me on my bad days, in the end I think it’s okay.
And if your blog has more traffic than mine, well, chances are you deal with insecurity too.
(If not, good for you. Enjoy the grapes.)
I think that there will be a huge pile of grapes un-eaten.
Ballain,
I started my new blog with limited material back in October. It hasn’t taken off at all, because it’s mainly poetry (and who likes that?). I’m scared of running out of material within 2 months, and then having nothing new.
“…pretty much winging it, day by day, post by post.”
A good summary for me…
Bryan, I’m totally the same way. I chalk up my posting to consistency, but I am afraid of what will happen if I start skipping. I’m also afraid that my mind will spontaneously combust, and I’ll suddenly run out of things to say tomorrow. I try to comfort myself in these thoughts by sitting in my naturally lit office, feet propped on my desk, while I laugh and smoke a giant cigar, a cigar I a light with a $100 bill.
“Insecure blogger” is sort of redundant. Aren’t those words synonymous? I know this because all my grapes are now raisins. And I don’t really like raisins all that much.
I’m such an insecure blogger or at least a bipolar blogger. I got back in forth from “yeah, I just write for me and stats don’t matter” to the begging, pleading, whining” please read and comment on my blog because my whole life will be over if I get more spam comments than real comments.” Neither my life nor my blog has ended over stats that weren’t mind-blowing…maybe, one day I will learn to love my lower stats.
Yeah, I can relate. My wife tells me all the time not to base my self-worth on my blog stats. Remain achored in who I am in Christ. I’m trying to just take it a day at a time. I love Bebo Norman’s song “Here Goes” – “Take a breath, take a step, and what comes next God only knows…”
you are great, don’t be so insecure!
i’d be insecure too, if all the world could see that i use my laptop for an umbrella.
i mean… i do. i just don’t publish photos of it.
As much as I try to tell myself the stats don’t matter, they do for me too, even if they shouldn’t.
“Hi my name is Jay and I’m an insecure blogger. It has been 12 seconds since that last time that I checked my WordPress dashboard…”
aren’t we all?
and in this day and age of reader feeds, do stats even mean much anymore? you’re reaching people who may not even hit your site regularly (cough, cough, throat clear)
seriously, you are great, don’t be so insecure…hahahah
I don’t know how to write this without sounding arrogant or like I’m Jesus Juking you here but this is something that I’ve been able to overcome. God had to really beat the tar out of me to get the message through but He did it when He basically shut me down from all writing for three weeks. No posts, nada. Blog traffic on my main blog at the time fell from hundreds to literally less than 5 per day.
But in those few who visited, it was comments like “thank you, I needed to hear this” or “this really encouraged me.” God showed me by taking away everything that even reaching just one person is worth it.
So while I know you have 13842.857142857141% more subscribers to your blog than I do I have peace God’s making an impact through me. Now, the few times I remember to look at Google Analytics, I really am just looking at the world map to be amazed that how the internet can take my weak writing to the world.
Solid stuff. Appreciate your dedication and humility. We can all blog for 20 years and not have it figured out. I think the minute we think we’ve figured it all out, is the minute we start to not care.
Great stuff.
I’m always certain that nobody cares about what I’m writing about. Then you gently reminded me that 95% of the world doesn’t.
For me, it actually made me feel more confident about just writing what I am interested in and being okay with that. Here’s to being insecure! It develops good character eventually.
You are not alone
I don’t even know how to check my stats. That’s what we call forced humility. I’m too dumb to figure out that my numbers are low because my writing is poor.
I am an insecure blogger, who hopes that people will click through my comment profile to my blog.
Oh, and when I ever get insecure about my actual content, I remember the reason why I started consistently publishing in the first place. (click me click me!)
Insecure about what?
I don’t even have a free download to offer people who subscribe to my blog. I am nothing–my stats tell me so.
Stay blessed…john
I blog, therefore I am. Therefore, since I’m sometimes insecure about it, it must be the blogging that’s making me insecure…
Because if I wasn’t blogging, I wouldn’t be insecure about NOT blogging, because I wouldn’t be blogging in the first place to be insecure about what would happen if I didn’t blog.
That’s why I keep it down to about 2 blog posts a week.
Actually, that’s a lie. It’s because I’m too lazy to schedule it really tightly, and because I’m busy, and because I can’t think of anything I’m really expecting from blogging, besides just having some friends and enjoying doing a little writing.
So… I’m only insecure when I read a blog post like this one and actually stop and think about it for a minute.
Thanks, Brian Elaine. (Oops, misspelled your name, like your people at work. Hope that doesn’t make you insecure.)
I am exactly the same way. I am “working on my blog” so often I think I drive my wife and (former?) readers crazy! All because I am insecure about how it looks, how it sounds, etc.
I never really try hard at anything because I’m so afraid of failure. I’d rather bump along life wallowing in my mediocrity and assure myself that I have the potential to succeed at anything if I just tried hard enough. Blogging is the first time in a while that I’ve put everything I have into it. That’s why it scares me so much. If I fail, I can’t say that I didn’t really give it my best.
Thanks for your honesty.
Same here. Everytime I click publish I think ‘O crap, who do I think I am?’ And there are so many gazillion bloggers… what could I possibly add that someone might deliberately comes to see?
I don’t have an office… or a desk… or grapes.
Honestly, every single time I hit “post”, I sigh, and say to myself “Commence massive unfollow.” because I *know* that I suck at this and nobody should be reading anything I post and pretty soon they’re all gonna figure that out. That really helps take the pressure off.
I also tell myself that I’m not a “real blogger”. I’m not even sure what that really means, but if I’m not a “real blogger” then I certainly can’t be disappointed when my un-blog goes down the tubes, right.
See? It’s all about setting the bar very, very low.
I don’t need no stinkin’ desk….or grapes! I can blog just fine from right here on top of this pile of clean clothes on my unmade bed! Screw ambient lighting – there is no right way to throw crap up on the internet.
Now, I gotta go write something cuz my stats are low and my last post was lame.
Jamie, just so you know… I’ve come to read your blog lots of times, and I’ve had a few people send me your link. I suspect you might be getting popular!
I am an insecure commenter.
Ha! Well said!
Was that ok?
*AA clap*
Like JTVWM, (thanks for the tip Bryan), I find myself just wishing away each blog post as I hit publish. Like blowing up a balloon and watching it fly away, what happens with it, whether it resonates with others or not, is completely out of my control.
Hopefully, it’ll soar high into the heavens, but quite possibly, more than likely, it’ll hit a powerline and sizzle.
I agree with Jamie as well. I hesitate EVERY time I click publish. Without fail, the posts are never perfect. (of course) So it’s a test of faith each time. Will I risk it again?
you just read my stats page, didn’t you?
In the time it took me to read this, billions of people did not look at my blog. Most of them don’t have computers – that can be the only explanation
I started my blog first for myself. You know people who say, “I’ve forgotten more programming than you’ll ever know”? Yeah, well that was my problem. I would forget that stuff I figured out and then need to know it again three years later. So, I started a blog. And because it was just for me, I could use examples of predictor variables like the number of people in a day who asked me “WTF is that on your desk?” (Answer: Sea monkeys)
Then, because people often are stressed by statistics, I started referring clients to my blog. It’s hard to take categories too seriously if the categories are “Yes” “Maybe if I was drunk” and “Their aint enough alcohol in Texas.”
I guess I’m not particularly insecure because I figure if anyone reads it besides me, I’ve already exceeded my original target audience.
I usually write it around 1 a.m. while drinking Chardonnay, which does come from grapes. Does that count?
I am an insignificant blogger…
I too look at stats way too much and let the numbers dictate my self worth at times. But then a small voice says to me “It’s not about you”
It just feels like it is because I want it to be. But there is something bigger in what we are all doing on the blogosphere. It is about community, connection, and caring (and for me I will add the most important C- Christ!).
Blog-on!