I Am an Insecure Blogger

I am an insecure blogger.

Most of the time, I’m not really sure what I’m doing here.

I look at other blogs, especially those with more traffic than mine, and assume that the authors of those blogs know exactly what they are doing all the time. In fact, right now they are probably sitting in a naturally-lit office with their feet propped up on a desk, eating grapes and nodding in affirmation at their blog’s majesty.

I am an insecure blogger.

I look at my stats a lot, and I’ll tell you it’s because I want to know where people are coming from and what is resonating with my readers.

Those things are true, of course, but so is the fact that I feel validated when my numbers are heading in the right direction. And yes, I feel like a disappointment when they’re not.

I am an insecure blogger.

I never skip a weekday post except for holidays, and I chalk it up to “being consistent”.

But mostly I think it’s fear. If I start skipping days here and there, is that going to eventually lead me to stop writing altogether? And If I ever stop writing here then who am I? And then I realize that more of my identity is wrapped up in my blog that I’d like to admit, and then I stop thinking about it so I can publish another blog post.

I am an insecure blogger.

And I don’t want you to comment on this post to say “you are great, don’t be so insecure!”

But we both know I’d enjoy every compliment anyway.

I am an insecure blogger.

And if you blog, I’m guessing you probably are too.

So if you look up to me because my blog has more traffic than yours, know that I don’t have it all figured out. We’re all pretty much winging it, day by day, post by post. And as much as that bothers me on my bad days, in the end I think it’s okay.

And if your blog has more traffic than mine, well, chances are you deal with insecurity too.

(If not, good for you. Enjoy the grapes.)