As you’ve heard me tell you too many times at this point, RELEVANT Magazine published my “Guaranteed Guarantees of 2011” piece in their current issue. The magazine piece has all 11 predictions and the online article has 7 of the 11 predictions.
There were more predictions I made that didn’t make the cut because they weren’t as good. Here’s 3 of them:
3 More Predictions for 2011
AUTO-TUNING GOES WHERE IT SHOULDN’T
When T-Pain experimented with auto-tuning during the 2000s, we took notice. When Kanye West auto-tuned on 808s & Heartbreak (and somehow managed to record an entire disc with fewer cusses than Derek Webb’s latest), we nodded in approval. When the news became auto-tuned we couldn’t stop laughing, and when Simon Cowell was accused of auto-tuning on The X Factor we all shook our head in disgust.
But in 2011 auto-tuning will finally cross the point of no return when new-school crooners Josh Groban and Michael Buble team up to record an entire album of auto-tuned rat pack tunes. Their first single, Strangers in the Night on a Boat (feat. Lady Gaga and Joaquin Phoenix), will get mixed reviews from outlets like Pitchfork Media, who call it “overbearingly transient while maintaining a submissive permanency”. In a related story, 2011 sees the first voluntary hearing-removal surgeries performed in the United States.
THE RISE OF THE BLUE PEOPLE
James Cameron’s Avatar might not have won the best picture Oscar in 2010, but it’s record-breaking success at the box-office will pave the way for other blue-colored characters to shine on the silver screen this year. With The Smurfs movie already pegged for an August 2011 opening, we’re predicting Hollywood will desperately use post-production tweaks to alter feature films slated for release this year.
Think The Green Hornet is hitting theaters in January? Wrong. How does The Blue Hornet sound? Oh and you thought Ryan Reynolds was playing The Green Lantern opposite Blake Lively this summer? I think you mean The Periwinkle Lantern. Even Disney will hitch a ride on the Blue Wave when it gives the Genie from Aladdin his own feature-film spinoff in which he finally escapes his bottle and moves to San Francisco to open up a vegan pizza joint. Do not adjust your TV sets folks, things are about to get cyan up in this joint.
THE END OF LOST CREATES LOST-SHAPED HOLE THAT ONLY LOST CAN FILL
For the first year since 2003, television viewers won’t have a new episode of LOST to look forward to in 2011. The gaping void left in the show’s wake will force hard-core LOST fans to scramble around like the smoke monster in hopes of filling their emptiness with something just as riveting and confusing.
If you’re one of those tortured souls feeling incomplete without Hurley’s “Dudes!” and Jack Shephard’s tears, take heart. 2011 will see the first ever “Media Amnesia” surgery to remove all memories of a TV show (or a book or movie) so it can be experienced again for the first time. And for those looking to go all out, The Flight 815 Club will form in 2011, a group who makes the 13-hour flight from Sydney to Los Angeles every September 22 in hopes of crashing onto an island inhabited by mysterious hatches and good looking actors. We’ll stick to watching the DVDs to get our LOST fix in 2011, but if you’re looking for more of an adventure, Namaste and good luck.
If you’ve got any predictions for the rest of 2011, better get them on record now.
Go ahead, get your Nostradamus on and predict something that will happen in the next 12 months.