The NFL Season starts soon, which means you’re probably about to draft your fantasy team. If you’re looking for some help with that…sorry, you’re on your own.
But one thing I can help you with is naming your fantasy team. I’ve been crafting great team names for years, starting with the 1977 Fantasy Football team I drafted as an 11-month old called “I Poop Myself”.
A few years ago I created a list of DO’s and DONT’s for Christians who were trying to figure out a good name for their team. I’ve gone through and updated it in hopes that it will help some of you this season. (and at the end I even give you a list of names to use if you need some help).
Guidelines for Naming Your Fantasy Team
DO feel free to use alliterations whenever possible. Not only do they look good, but also they make for great nicknames. For example, “The Amish Are Angry” is a great name because it is visually appealing AND you have the option of referring to your team as ‘The Triple-A’. (Plus, major bonus points any time you can incorporate the Amish into your name.)
Other Examples: Katy Perry Kicks Pigeons (KP-squared), Tears of a Dentist (TOAD), I Kill Elderly Amishmen (IKEA)
DON’T use the name of your favorite professional team in your fantasy team’s moniker. It makes you sound like a 14-yr-old girl fawning over her pimple-faced boyfriend.
Examples: Giants4Life, TitansPOWER, RabidDolphins, CowboysAlltheway
DO use your team name to make childish references to bodily functions and noises. You’ll get your opponents chuckling, which will distract them from the fact that you are about to pummel them into bolivian.
Examples: Fart Like You Mean It, Boiling Pony Urine, Liquid Belch, Ferretts Break Wind
DON’T use your team name to make derogatory references to your spouse or pastor. They might be funny, but they’ll only get you in trouble in the long run.
Examples: Nagging Wife 4 Sale, Shut Your Hole Pastor Jim, UnWifelike Conduct Penalty
DO feel free to incorporate pop culture references whenever you can. Incorporating characters or dialogue from recent television shows or movies is a great way to get a laugh and show you’re still on the ball. Though it’s a bit dated now, I still don’t think you can go wrong with a Seinfeld reference. I’ve gone that route more than once in the past decade fielding teams named “The Marine Biologists”, “I Was in the Pool!”, and “The Pretend Architects”.
Examples: Sheen Joe Greene, Record Breaking Bad, Let There Be Twilight, Barren Sarah Palin, The Arcade Fiery Furnace, VoldeMort Report
DON’T try to convert people to Christianity with your team name. While I’d never say that God is incapable of using a fantasy team name to change someone’s heart, I’m pretty sure there are one million better ways to have an impact on someone’s life.
Examples: No Christ No Heaven, Only Goalies & Jesus Save, If I Win I Get to Witness To You
BONUS: If you can’t come up with anything on your own, here’s 21 biblical names I threw together. You may use these royalty-free.
Give Me Back My Rib
Bathroom of the Ark
Jonah and the Vomit Riders
The Unpardonable Win
Samson Mullet
No One Reads Philemon
The Propitiation
Gomorrah Forecast
Your Mother is Rahab
The Abomination of Desolation
Egyptian Frog Casserole
Thessalonian Lisp
Stench of Lazarus
The Fake Hairy Jacobs
Disciple This
Fierce Nile Blood Squad
Job Had It Coming.
Shears of Delilah
Manger Danger
Parable of the Beatdown
Biblical Proportions
What about you? Any great fantasy names this year or in the past?
One of the best I’ve seen this year: Favre Dollar Footlong.
My fantasy baseball team this year is called Rollie Pollies…it’s an homage to Rollie Fingers, who had easily the best mustache and best name in baseball history.
The year I was pregnant I used the name “Carrying the Kicker.” But I also like “A girl beat you”
one team in my league has the best name…
Dezzie Does Dallas.
I love it!
I wrote a blog piece similar to this in February. My name ideas were far inferior, but my subject was fantasy baseball (infinitely superior to football.)
http://wp.me/pIp9s-8O
Ashamed that I never thought of doing acronyms…
Totally ripped from SCL & went with the Razzle Dazzles. Oh yeah.
I’m pretentious, and a lot self centered, so I go with The Zachattac. (Everyone asks why I don’t have a k, and I used to respond with K’s are against my religion)
not really a team name, but the tag line for my brothers team was “yippie ki yay, marshall faulker.”
Back in high school, I wrote a series of short stories about rabid monkeys and their inevitable rivalry with killer wombats. Thus, my team names last year were…. wait for it… the Rabid Monkeys and the Killer Wombats.
I’m keeping them for this year because I totally dominated both of my leagues.
Is my fantasy team name safe for this blog, Bryan? You laughed when I told you it over the summer…
flacco seagulls
You’ll be happy to hear the name of the league I’m in is called “Whatfer Amish League” and the team names are as follows:
-The Amish Rebels (myself)
-Mennonite Cowboys
-Team ThanksgivingHam
-Team Amishmen
-The Intercourse Bowlcuts (Shawn S)
-The Dutch Nightmare
-Amish Outlaws
-Miller Maidley
-Poop Spreaders
-Black Sheep Seamus
Also, there are two divisions: The Whoopie Pies and the Shoo-Fly Pies. Needless to say I was pleased when I read your first criteria for a good fantasy football team name.
Not to be stealing your ideas (except that’s exactly what it be) but I just changed the name of my 2nd fantasy team from “The Soggybottom Boys” to “I Was in the Pool!” to avoid confusion.
Also included is a picture of shirtless George as the team logo.
I went with “Deuteronomy 25:11″ for my team name.
Yes, I am the proud owner of the Intercourse Bowl Cuts. And I love kicking other teams into bolivian … a simple mis-type, or a clever funnyism equating a South American with eternal annihilation?
it’s a famous (or apparently semi-famous) malapropism from Mike Tyson. He said he was going to “fade into bolivian”.
I just signed up to do my first Fantasy Football team ever. I’m terrified. But it’s with people from church and I didn’t even try to be creative – I stole “No One Reads Philemon” straight from you because it made me laugh out loud. If I’m lucky, no one else in my league reads your blog and maybe I’ll get the credit for you being so clever
i’m honored.
I played in a fundraiser my friend did earlier the year, Beer Pong for Haiti. Don’t judge, it was for a good cause and I could have won a sweet bike. I didn’t, but at least I got to drink beer while people were dressed in costume…I digress…
Anyway, our team name was Recovering Pharisees. I found it appropriate for the event.
Some of my team names this year include: Pork Chili Pirates; Electric Boogaloo; and Chia Beef
ooo…and I forgot Ehud’s Surprise
Wow, Christians are depressing.
Christians Are Depressing would be a hilarious team name!
Fecal Burrito
I tend to gravitate toward team names that somehow incorporate players’ names. For baseball over the last few years, I’ve used JRR Towleskien, Clint Barmes & Noble, This Bud’s For You (I’m an Astros fan), Masterson of the Universe, etc. For football I’ve had Dude, Where’s My Carr?, Like a Moss, And Knowshon is Half the Battle, Ted Ginn and Tonic, Tebow-chicka wow wow, etc.
SVU: Suh Victims Unit.
In one league I’m The Festering Koalas…
And my other leagues I’m Flickin Boogs…
My two teams this year are Larry Potter (Harry Potter’s long-lost, creepy uncle…prob rocks a stache) and my pop culture nod- Brady Gaga.
I’ve also always been partial to “Somewhere Over Dewayne Bowe”.
My league also prefers to incorporate NFL player names into team names, such as “Birds and the Brees”, “My Poo is Ronnie & Brown”, “Vick’s Vapor Rub”, “Foster: Australian for Touchdown”
Scintillating topic. Here are my team names for the last few years and final rank in my league.
Hurricane Ditka – 2006 2nd of 16
Bad Newz Kennels – 2007 7th of 16
The King of No Pants – 2008 2nd of 14
Ashley Schaeffer BMW – 2009 5th of 14
1st place losers – 2010 11th of 14
This year I’m thinking of going with:
Try The Veal
Killing you hardly
Uncle Steve’s GoCarts
Mormon Tabernacle Touchdown Dancers
Thoughts?
I guess that to get the home loans from banks you must have a great reason. However, once I have received a collateral loan, just because I wanted to buy a building.