Books I Didn’t Write is a recurring gag here at the blog. I take a random picture, come up with a title, and then write up a fake review.
Yes, it is as dumb as it sounds.
Water or Vodka?
by Bryan Allain
Publisher: Lush and Sot Press
Order Status: In Stock, Top Shelf
For Fans of: Absolut, hydrogen, oxygen, wetness, spills, Ethyl, reverse osmosis, transparency, thirst, and pouring.
Summary:The harrowing tale of a young man raised by Russian con artists in an ethyl alcohol distillery.
What People Are Saying:
“Water or Vodka does for the new Russia what The Brothers Karamazov did for the old. Is Russia even a country anymore? Who cares. This book is great, and if anyone disagrees I’ll maim them with a hammer and sickle!”
“Soaked with suspense! I spent the first half of the book on the edge of my seat, the second half of the book on the floor in the fetal position, and the third half at the bottom of a fresh 6-foot grave sweating someone else’s blood.”
“Too much of anything is a good thing, except this book. If it was a drink it would be the perfect blend of water and alcohol, written in such a way that I remained buzzed AND hydrated throughout. And with no headache or loose stool the next day!”
“He loved the smell of grain in the morning. The way the pungent odor brought life to the sinews and marrow of his being. The way his brain would instantly start firing off ideas for the day. The way it instantly created an insatiable hunger in his belly for a bowl of Trix.”
“”There’s no way I’m getting out alive,” he thought to himself as the shots rang above his head. Then it came to him in a flash; the answer he was looking for. But as quickly as it came, the idea was squashed. Of all the days to leave Ron Burgundy (the name he had given his flask) on his dresser, why did it have to be this one?”
“He had seen this trick before, it was his favorite of all the cons the Russians had taught him. By the time she realized she had been duped it would be too late. No, they hadn’t just signed her up for a new term life insurance policy. They had extracted her lower intestines and duodenum for sale on the black market.”
Awards: Book of the Month – The Cold War Journal, Feb 2010
People Who Liked This Book Also Enjoyed:
- Bootlegging for Fun and Prison Time.
- 101 Vodka Recipes Named after Weapons
- The Idiot’s Guide To Pretending You’re Drunk at a Large Party
- Ninja Quest 6: Nectar of the Harvest
Place your order, leave a review, or take a swig in the comments.