The Thing About Getting Dumped, Part 2

The link to today’s guest post on the Catalyst Catablog is coming in a minute. As you probably already know, Catalyst is one of the best 3-day leadership conferences is the country. I asked Brad Lomenick (Catalyst Head Honcho) if, in exchange for my guest post, he would let me be the keynote speaker this year. He said “ABSOLUTELY NOT”, proving once again he’s the right man for the job.

But before we get to the guest post, let’s resume our discussion about getting dumped.

Just in case you were wondering if I’m the right guy to compile a “getting dumped” list, let me give you a little background.

In junior high I got dumped by every girl I went out with except one. Beth dumped me after I botched a make-out party, Steph dumped me for my best friend, Andrea dumped me for a guy who would actually kiss her, Michele dumped me for no good reason, and Jenn dumped me 12 times, including one instance where she asked me out on the way into Mr. Burke’s 7th grade English class and then broke up with me on the way out.

Nothing like a 42-minute relationship.

Bottom Line = I’m qualified. And with that, let’s get to the second half of our 10 Most Popular Ways to Get Dumped in Junior High list (#1 through #5 can be found here.)

The 10 Most Popular Ways to Get Dumped in Junior High

(ranked from least to most heart-wrenching)

If you missed the first half of this list, click here.

6 – The Home Room Special. Can you do it? Can you get through the entire day without processing the fact that she dumped you before first period? Thank goodness you’re a man and you know how to compartmentalize. Speaking of compartments, what’s going to happen when she walks by your locker after second period like she does every day? For the past 3 weeks you gave her that flirty “I’d totally be making out with you right now if I wasn’t such a loser” smile and she always gave you the “You are a loser, but you’re MY loser” smile right back. Man, you’re gonna miss being her loser…aaaaaand here come the tears.

7 – The Hallway Rumor. “Umm, thanks for consoling me about the break up Jared, but like I told the last 4 people who offered condolences, Jennie and I are fine. Really, things have never been better between us…Oh hi Principal Calfman. What’s that? You’re sorry to hear that I got dumped? It was all the talk in the Teacher’s Lounge? Hm…weird. Jennie and I are gonna have a hearty laugh about this on our date tonight.”

8 – The Cold Shoulder. What hurts the most about this one is it’s a gradual death, like taking 3 hours to rip off a band-aid. You started noticing that she was acting differently yesterday, and today it seems to be getting worse. She’s not smiling at you like she used to, she’s only giving you one word answers, and you could have sworn you saw her giving you two middle fingers in the window reflection at lunch. She hasn’t officially dumped you yet, but really, she doesn’t have to.

9 – The Ring and Run. What’s that mom? Jessica’s at the door? Awesome…can’t believe my girlfriend came to my house on a school night! Hey girl, what’s up…what?…you’re breaking up with me???…wait wait, don’t leave…I don’t care if your mom’s waiting in the car, you can’t just dump me on my doorstep! Where are you going that’s so important?…Eric Mitchell’s house? Why are you going to Eric Mitchell’s house and what’s with the bottle of massage oil in your pocket?

10 – The Slow Dance Breakup. You missed the first hour of the dance because your mom had to drop your sister off at a sleepover party, but you’re here now. Ooh, and just in time for a slow dance as soon as you find Tara…and there she is…dancing with Jason Weber…who appears to be supporting her from falling over by cradling both of her but cheeks in his hands…and who also appears to be reviving her from suffocation by using mouth to mouth CPR…and I guess it worked because she’s smiling now…and now she’s giving him mouth to mouth…I think I just got dumped.

So there it is, my Top 10 Worst Ways to get dumped in Junior High.

If you’ve got any others to add to the list, we’d love to hear ’em.

In the meantime, check out my guest post at the Catalyst CataBlog today: The Top 10 Excuses for not going to the Catalyst Conference. I promise it will include at least one dig on Tripp & Tyler and the phrase “Leadership Dance Party”.