Books I Didn’t Write is a recurring gag here at the blog. I take a random picture, come up with a title, and then write up a fake review.
Yes, it is as dumb as it sounds.
Deadly Buffet: Bird Feeders, Obesity, and You
by Bryan Allain
Publisher: Spherical Penguin Press
Order Status: Out to Lunch
For Fans of: Bird Watchers, Weight Watchers, Eating, Smorgasbords, Miniature Wooden Houses filled with Seeds, Gastric Bypass Surgery for Birds, Big Bird, and Snuffleupagus
Summary:With the passion and determination of John Stossel, investigative reporter Bryan Allain rips the wings off of the bird obesity epidemic to find the truth. Are over sized bird feeders creating a culture of gluttony in the bird kingdom? Are bird feed manufacturers spiking their product with addictive substances? Are owls really just fat and lazy? Deadly Buffet chirps relevancy from cover to cover as the truth flies off every page and poops on the windshield of your brain.
What People Are Saying:
“It’s about time someone sheds light on this growing problem. An over sized finch landed on our deck last week and cracked three of the spindles. We need change and we need it NOW.”
“I had no idea birds were getting fatter. I figured with all that flying they’d just stay thin.”
“Everyone who has a neighbor with a bird feeder NEEDS to read this book. The time has come for those of us who care about birds to step up to these enablers and put an end to their endless supplies of small seeds and grains.”
“To call these places of gluttony ‘bird-feeders’ might be the misnomer of the century. These obesity troughs aren’t feeding birds, they’re killing them…one tiny seed at a time.”
“Most experts agree that the cardinal is the bully of the bird feeder. When his scarlet face shows up to eat, the robins cower in fear like undersized freshmen walking past football practice.”
“John Fowlamor, CEO of HOBO (Humans Opposed to Bird Obesity), is pushing to have audio scales attached to all bird feeders by the year 2016. When a bird lands on the feeder to eat, a talking scale would immediately chirp the bird’s weight in a language birds may or may not understand.”
Awards: Book of the Year – as voted by the Brethren Village Old Folks Home Book Club
People Who Liked This Book Also Enjoyed:
- Bird Breeding for Boredom and No Money
- 101 of the Most Unfortunate Places Birds Have Pooped On
- The Idiot’s Guide To Bird Dieting
- Ninja Quest 4: Big Bird Goes Postal.