5 Things I Don't Care About

by Bryan on March 23, 2010 in Humor with 17 Comments

I care about a lot of things in life.

I care about people. I care about spirituality. I care about my family, my legacy, the Red Sox, good coffee, and LOST, to name a few.

But there are some things I don’t care about. Not even a little bit. Here’s 5 of them.

I Don’t Care…

…whether you put my gallon of milk in a bag or not. As I’ve written before, I don’t care if you stick it in the cart, stick it in the bag, or stick it in a huge treasure chest with fake gold coins and a hermit crab. I only have so many decisions in me people, let’s not waste one on this.

…about J.D. Power and his car awards. So you’re car was named “Best Value in Mid-Size Class For Cars That Rhyme with Shmaltima”. Congrats. I wasn’t in the market for a car, but now that I’ve seen your shiny award I’m going to go out and spend thirty grand on something I don’t need.

…how hard it is for people who make $100,000 to search for jobs on the internet. Take your tennis court commercial and shove it, Ladders.

…that this call is being recorded for training purposes. Although I do feel slightly bad for the poor sap who has to listen to me ask for a refund because we got billed twice for renting Julie & Julia. Should I get irate and cuss out the operator so you can train people on how to handle a surly prick?

…that you’re the Foursquare Mayor of the Adamstown Arby’s. Unless of course your new-found power means you can get me free refills on my curly fries. In that case, I completely support your authority and will start working on you re-election campaign this afternoon.

What about you?

Anything you don’t care about that you’d like to share?

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  • Jeff

    You really shouldn’t care about the Red Sox. Elevated stress levels lead to increasingly clogged arteries and heart disease. The Yankees are more heart friendly.

  • JulieBelle

    I don’t care if you put the receipt in the bag or hand it to me. But when I worked at a bookstore a few years ago, I discovered a lot of people REALLY REALLY REALLY care about this. They would go ballistic if you didn’t ask their preference. So even though I don’t care and will cope with the receipt on my own time, I don’t blame cashiers who ask. I’ve so been there.

  • Aaron

    Reading anyone’s opinions about HCR on any social media.

  • http://canthook.com Harl Delos

    Put a clean gallon of milk in a trunk with a spare tire, muddy boots, and greasy tools, then put it in the fridge with foods that you eat without cooking, like lettuce? A gallon that’s cold, so it is wet on the outside, and it attracts dust and turns it into mud? A lot of people want it in a bag to keep it clean.

    Me, I want it in a bag so it’s easier to carry, but that’s because I’m a gimp. Before I screwed up my hip, I didn’t mind carrying it without a bag (and I keep a thermal chest in my van to keep refrigerated/frozen food clean and cold until I get it home.)

    So maybe they oughta just automatically bag everything without asking.

  • http://www.jimmycalhoun.com Jimmy Calhoun

    As a former worker in the retail industry I really never cared to hear a person’s life story during a return or exchange.
    I understand you don’t like the lamp, but I don’t need to hear about how rough traffic was for you to bring it to me.

  • Melissa

    …that this call is being recorded for training purposes.

    Assuming that is for Netflix? Used to work there as a quality analyst for customer service…yeah, we really did use the surly prick’s (as well as the not so surly) calls to train reps. Back in the day (which was a Wednesday in 2007) they were also used for grading which put them on a scale of how much dinero they earned. True story.

  • Sarah N

    I don’t care about anything less than I care about your Farmville animals on Facebook and how many cold, lost cows are looking for a home.
    That’s a guaranteed way to get yourself hidden from my Newsfeed.

  • AymieJoi

    I don’t care that Michael wrote on his pants with a Sharpie. I don’t care that Candi said you couldn’t borrow her pencil because she happens to need it to do her own work. I don’t care that you think math (and spelling and computers and reading and coloring) is boring. I don’t care that the straw wrapper on the floor that I asked you to pick up and throw away isn’t from YOUR juicebox…

    Can you tell I spent the day with a bunch of 7 & 8 year olds? I feel much better now. Thank you. : )

  • http://www.thechurchofnopeople.com Matt @ The Church of No People

    I don’t care about approximately 93% of the things the kids say at school everyday. That’s about the percent of talking they spend tattling, complaining, or obsessing over Pokemon.

  • Emily

    I don’t care how badly you need 12 more cows for your farm on farmville.

  • Aunt Melinda

    I don’t care that everyone but me is on Facebook. Someone wants to contact me, they can call, write or email me personally

  • Becky Miller

    How can you not care about Foursquare? Aren’t you like the Foursquare Mayor of the bathroom at your work or something? :)

  • Donna B.

    Wow, I would love to hear a success story of socialized medicine in any country. Where do you live? Have you used the medical care or have you been mostly healthy? Truly curious!

  • Donna B.

    Uh.,,,I just clicked on your name….
    never mind.

  • Sarah

    Ewww, so did I! What the heck is that site doing there? Don’t click!

  • http://gfmorris.net/ Geof F. Morris

    Clearing out the spammer now.

  • http://bryanallain.com/ Bryan Allain

    thanks geof!

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