I care about a lot of things in life.
I care about people. I care about spirituality. I care about my family, my legacy, the Red Sox, good coffee, and LOST, to name a few.
But there are some things I don’t care about. Not even a little bit. Here’s 5 of them.
I Don’t Care…
…whether you put my gallon of milk in a bag or not. As I’ve written before, I don’t care if you stick it in the cart, stick it in the bag, or stick it in a huge treasure chest with fake gold coins and a hermit crab. I only have so many decisions in me people, let’s not waste one on this.
…about J.D. Power and his car awards. So you’re car was named “Best Value in Mid-Size Class For Cars That Rhyme with Shmaltima”. Congrats. I wasn’t in the market for a car, but now that I’ve seen your shiny award I’m going to go out and spend thirty grand on something I don’t need.
…how hard it is for people who make $100,000 to search for jobs on the internet. Take your tennis court commercial and shove it, Ladders.
…that this call is being recorded for training purposes. Although I do feel slightly bad for the poor sap who has to listen to me ask for a refund because we got billed twice for renting Julie & Julia. Should I get irate and cuss out the operator so you can train people on how to handle a surly prick?
…that you’re the Foursquare Mayor of the Adamstown Arby’s. Unless of course your new-found power means you can get me free refills on my curly fries. In that case, I completely support your authority and will start working on you re-election campaign this afternoon.