Welcome to Cliche Thursday, where each week we deconstruct 5 expressions that we’ve all become a little too familiar with and ask you for some of your own least favorites.
This week we’ve got a special treat for you as the always hilarious Tyler Stanton has offered to grab 5 cliches and wring the life out of them in this guest post. As always, he did not disappoint. (and at the end of the post you’ll find a link to his blog, where I guest-posted 5 cliches today as well.)
Take it away Tyler…
“He’s got ice water in his veins.” –You know what will really make you clutch under pressure? 98.6 degree blood in your veins. You will be way more capable of hitting the game winning shot when your hypothermia-induced corpse isn’t sprawled out on the free throw line.
“Like it’s going out of style.” – I don’t get it. This expression is used to imply you’re doing an excessive amount of something, yet that hasn’t been my experience at all when I find out something is on its way out of style. Last Tuesday when I found out that carpenter jeans were going out of style, I certainly didn’t up their usage. I cut back to three times a week like any normal person would.
“Rubbing elbows with someone” –When applied literally, this is one of the worst things you could possibly do at a social gathering. Networking should never involve getting to second base with the back of my arm. I vote we keep it around, but limit it to describing negative encounters.
Wife: How did your meeting with Neil go, honey?
Me: I’ll just say this – we were rubbing elbows the whole time.
Wife: That bad, huh?
Me: Yes. That bad.
Wife: I’ve always hated that Neil.
“I did a number on it.” – Are you making a statement, or initiating a guessing game with me? What kind of number did you do on it? Was it a number number? Twenty…two? It was twenty-two, wasn’t it? Wait – was it a theatrical number? Man, that could be anything from Cats to Jersey Boys. Can I have a hint?
If we really want to communicate that we negatively made an impact on something, I propose that we start saying “I did a number two on it”. That way, the only question that remains is whether or not the “two” was literal or figurative.
“You can’t judge a book by its cover.” – Not true. You can, and you should.* Other legitimate and completely acceptable ways of judging a book? Size. The way it feels in your hands. Font choice. Texture. Margins. Author’s photo. Line spacing. Actual content is like 11th or 12th on the list at best.
*This shallow logic is not to be applied to my upcoming book, Everyday Absurdities: Insights from the World’s Most Trivial Man. The cover is bland, but the really awesome kind of bland. I’m paying Bryan large sums of money to make sure you know when it’s available to purchase.
ps…and after you leave a comment, check out my guest post at Tyler’s blog today for 5 more cliches.