Welcome to Cliche Thursday, where each week we deconstruct 5 expressions that we’ve all become a little too familiar with and ask you for some of your own least favorites.
I’ve noticed lately that there’s a bunch of cliches that center around birds, so this week we’re going with a winged-creature theme.
Here we go…
“He quit cold turkey” – Can we get a scientist up in here to explain what happens to turkey meat when it is refrigerated? What phenomenon is occurring on the molecular level that gives it the properties of an immediate quitter when it drops below 40 degrees F? Now that the human genome project is complete, can we get our brightest minds on this bad boy?
Side note: The next time someone you know needs to immediately stop doing something, tell them “You better throw that turkey in the fridge!”
Another Side Note: have you ever quit anything ‘frozen turkey’? That’s a new phrase I coined for when you quit something before you even start it. For instance, “this morning I quit driving with my eyes closed frozen turkey.”
“The early bird gets the worm” – Yeah, but the late bird get to sleep in. And as long as it rained the night before, there will be enough worms for everyone to eat like kings.
You should see my driveway the morning after a hard rain. It’s worm genocide.
“Let’s kill two birds with one stone” – Have you ever tried to kill ONE bird with one stone? It’s not easy. One of the most traumatic experiences of my youth was when my buddy shot a bird with a bb gun and the thing started spazzing out and doing backflips right in front of us. He had to drop a stone on the thing 4 or 5 times before he put it out of it’s misery. I watched the whole thing in horror, not sure if I should puke or go home and cry to my mom.
Wow this is turning into a dark post…let’s move on.
“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” – I’d like to poke holes in this statement, but in the end it makes complete logical sense.
Do you how much having two birds in a bush is worth to me? Nothing.
Do you know how much having a bird in my hand is worth? Again, nothing.
So the statement is mathematically true. A bird in the hand IS worth two in the bush.
“As the crow flies” – If someone tells me it takes about 30 minutes to get their house ‘as the crow flies’ this is what I think of in my head:
If I travel towards their house, then stop in a tree for a few minutes, then circle above my neighbor’s backyard long enough to creep them out, then fly over to the roof of the mall and hang out with my buddies, then arrive at their house, it will take me 30 minutes.
If I go straight there, it will take me 8.