Home Rules For Children

Last week I brought up some issues I had with karate, and somehow I’ve managed to not be killed by a nun-chuck blow to the heart. (I’m hoping to stop wearing the kevlar vest by early next year.)

In a related story, someone gave me a flier last week that had been dropped off at their workplace. It was from a Taekwondo studio (I think) and it was amazing (I know).

Here’s what the flier looked like, along with an obligatory breakdown…

7 Things That Must Be Pointed Out

1. There is no mention anywhere on the flier of the Taekwondo studio these rules originated from. Is this an advertisement or not? If it is, then get your name on there folks. If it isn’t, then what on earth are you doing passing out fliers?

2. Speaking of which, why is a Taekwondo studio passing out “Home Rules” for children? Here’s an idea, how about I set my own home rules for my own children since I bought the home and I made the children?

3. With regards to Rule #1, having your kids greet you upon entering and leaving the house is a nice thing I suppose. But I gotta be honest, if I really did make a list of house rules, this rule probably wouldn’t be at the top of the list. It would probably fall around Rule #117, right between

#116 – Do not try to talk to dad through the bathroom door when he is in the bathroom. He is in his fortress of solitude and is probably halfway through a great article”


#118 – Do not eat daddy’s cheez-its without the expressed, written consent of major league baseball and daddy himself”.

5. I really don’t feel comfortable with Rule #6 without some type of emergency clause in there. 9 out of every 10 of my “Adult Conversations” are pointless anyway. Would hate for my kid to not interrupt me to to inform me of his dislocated shoulder because I was busy debating the Red Sox shortstop situation with my buddy Than.

6. All this time, I had no idea that there was a recipe for Straight A’s! No wonder I was a B-minus student in school. But wait, let’s look at the recipe, because it begs a lot of questions…

A) Is there a need to tell me to open the refrigerator? Am I supposed to just leave the fridge door open? Also, can I drink water or iced tea? What if I’m not thirsty?

B) I just spent 8 hours in school learning and you want me to go over it again BEFORE doing my homework? I’d rather eat a chinese star.

C) This should really be the only thing on this list. Actually the list should be “Do your homework and get A’s on all your tests”. There’s your recipe right there.

D) I have no idea what I’m going to study tomorrow, and I don’t care. According to this recipe I need to spend 12 hours a day on schoolwork. When am I going to have time to practice breaking plywood?

7. How about that note at the bottom? If you can’t read it, it says:

Children who do not obey their Parents CHEERFULLY may be reduced in Rank.

Parent: “Look, I told my kid to clean his room yesterday and he did it, but he wasn’t happy about it.”

Master: “Timmy, come here and give me that black belt you have spent years working towards in exchange for this purple one.”

Any other thoughts on this?

Does it make you want to sign your kids up for martial arts?

(if you need me, I’ll be hiding from the ninjas)

6 thoughts on “Home Rules For Children”

  1. I think the "open the refrigerator and have a glass of milk or juice" is the best….worst…whatever. This whole thing is just a little weird.

  2. I'm convinced that a lot of martial arts studios couldn't survive if it weren't for desperate parents bringing them ill-behaved children because they know the punk kid can't whip the sensei's butt like he can theirs, so this kind of thing is apparently pretty wide spread. Most martial arts studios I've seen claim to teach kids to fight so that they'll be good kids. Whaddever. I want my kid to know how to fight so he can whip some dude's tail for trying to kiss his sister. Or to protect me when I'm old and feeble.

    But I'll kick his tail and teach him to be a good kid MYSELF, thank you very much.

    We're together on this, bro. This is krap with a kapital k.

  3. New title…


    Since I'm not a parent, this is a supporting statement for the above comment.

  4. I studied karate in the US and in the Netherlands, and this is a very American approach. My karate studio in California had the same rules – karate is not just about the moves but about respect for yourself and others – including your parents. We had to draw up a list of our chores at home and hand it in. So every time I cleared the table, I was doing it because my mom told me to, but also because my sensei told me to.

    In the Netherlands, not so much. I think they already assumed that we would help out at home (kids here tend to be a little more responsible and are used to helping out at an early age).

  5. This is actually very similar to the american rules of the 1800’s. My mother raised me with rules that she called “southern manners” Greet all adults ma’am and sir, always use please and thank you, not ya but yes. Do not interrupt adults when they are talking. Her clause was if it was an emergency we would touch her arm lightly once. Absolutely no fighting, we may tell of our own faults but not of that of our brothers and sisters. And cleaning and doing homework were part of our after school routine.

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