Things I DO NOT Support Redux

Is redux even a word? I have no idea. It’s one of those words that I occasionally write but never speak, like ‘wrangling’, ‘incredulous’, and ‘elicited”.

Moving on…yesterday’s DO NOT Support post elicited so many comments, it deserved a follow-up post. So here we go…

To Daniel and Kelly – I’m sorry for digging on your beloved soup spoons. It’s not that I am against soup spoons specifically, it’s just that I’m against the need for more than one spoon. As I’ve said before, a spoon is nothing more than a mini-bowl with a handle. Do we really need different shapes and sizes? Also, how much soup do you desire with each spoonful? Are you in a rush to finish the bowl or just very hungry. If a soup spoon isn’t quite big enough for you, you could always duct-tape some chopsticks to the side of your bowl and turn the entire bowl of soup into a giant spoon. just a suggestion.

To Tyler – I’m totally with you on Jon Gosselin and Nickelback. I’m with you on the Crocs too, though I would specify that they’re okay for anyone under the age of 14. I was in a meeting yesterday and noticed some other dude was wearing fleece-lined crocs with his khakis. As I said on my twitter, my respect level dropped so low, I’d have respected him more if he was wearing a clown nose. And you’re crazy about White Cheddar Cheez-Its. They’re not as good as the original, but they’re still better than 90% of the snacks out there.

To Sarah – If you decide to fight with Tyler about that Nickelback thing, please make sure you upload the video so I can post it. Oh and my buddy Geof would like to have words with you about your NASA hate since they keep him employed.

To Everett – Go trade your space age trackball mouse for a few V-Necks and watch how much your life improves.

To Kevin, Alex, Cruz, Zac, Melissa, DT, David, Jared and – I agree wholeheartedly. The world would be a better place without the email forwards, facebook invites, deer in the road, the New York Yankees, Richard Simmons, Axe Body Spray, the WNBA, and barking dogs.

To Joanna – I wish I could tell you that my first reaction to finding out that one of my readers had swine flu was compassion and sympathy. But it was actually a twinge of excitement. “one of my readers had swine flu!!!” … sorry. BUT after the excitement it was a lot of sympathy and compassion. A LOT. Hope you’re feeling better!

To AymieJoi – Your hatred of country music, facial hair, and basketball has alienated you from 2/3rds of the world’s population. Sleep with one eye open.

To Christopher – I was sorry about your small hands until I read you do not support children. I hope every child in the world challenges you to thumb-wrestling and you lose. (side note: I almost put recycling in my list…enjoyed seeing it in yours)

To Lacey, Ben, and JennyBek – Thanks for incorporating pee, toilets, butt, and poop into your lists. You’ll always have a home at this blog.

To Aaron – True story about KISS and face-painting. Earlier in the year KISS was on American Idol and from the first moment they appeared on screen, I absolutely lost it. Now, I don’t know what factors went into my laughter meltdown. Maybe it had been a long week or I was just in the mood for a good laugh. I mean, I’ve seen images of KISS a hundred times and never chuckled. But there was just something about seeing a 50-year old man being lowered on a platform playing an axe-guitar with spiky shoulder pads and a painted face that made me laugh until I cried. Then i rewound it 3 times and cried some more. I just kept thinking that this was somebody’s grandfather dressed up like an imbecile, wearing platform shoes and bat wings, flicking his tongue at the screen. you can watch it here if you like, perhaps it will brighten your day as well.

To Katy – Tell Daniel that loud motorcycles are awful. Only, wait until a loud one drives by so he can’t hear you and gets frustrated and then understands that we’re right and he’s wrong.

To Janelle – Your list was extremely awesome and awful at the same time. Totally agree on setting the clocks fast – dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and everyone does it. Also agree on kids who like to walk slow and right in front of me. But you are totally wrong on the farting and bacon. (there’s a sentence I never thought I’d write.) I like my bacon nice and fatty (so do my kids), and farting under the sheets is fantastic.

To Jordan – Don’t you understand. Whatever they have stopped to think about is so much more important than you and everyone else getting to where you’re going. Don’t interrupt them, they are about to solve world hunger and create cold fusion.

Thanks for chiming in everyone, this blog is a thousand times more entertaining when you all pitch in.