Before I ever had the idea to stick characters from The Office into the Old Testament, I thought it would be interesting to do the same with Jack Bauer.
Like the Office idea, nothing has come of this one yet. But some of the stuff I put in the proposal was fun, including this attempt by Jack Bauer at writing his own Psalm.
a Psalm of Jack Bauer
1 O God, You are My God, I will seek you earnestly in my hour of need.
2 Though the cable ties cut off circulation to my hands, though they are tied tight enough that I can’t slip away, I will still trust in you.
3 Though I hear voices discussing ways of disposing of my dead body, and I have to say, they’ve got some creative ideas. Yet I will still trust in you.
4 Though they have taken my phone from me, which really ticks me off because I have stuff on there I really can’t afford to lose, I will still trust in you.
5 Though my daughter Kim is in a perilous situation right now involving a mountain lion, a magician, and a vat of anthrax-laced beef stew, still I will trust in you.
6 Though these men are smart enough to have placed moles in high-ranking government positions, yet dumb enough to not have killed me yet, still I will trust in you.
7 And wait, what is this! The broken bone sticking out of my right forearm! It is sharp enough to cut through the plastic of my restraints!
8 As the cable ties drop to the ground, so to do the bloody heads of my captors, and I praise your name!
9 You have delivered me from out of this lair; now please deliver my cell phone back to my pocket. I’ve got building schematics for a hostage rescue on there.
10 And a Scrabble App I paid ten bucks for.