I’ve recently been noticing that some things are just physically impossible to do.
It is physically impossible to…
…score a hockey goal and NOT raise your arms over your head. in fact, you don’t even have to be the one who scores it. If someone one your team scores, your arms automatically raise above your head. It’s Pavlovian or something. Pull up any hockey highlight on Youtube to see what I mean.
…drive by an accident on the highway and NOT look at it. As you approach the accident you curse all the drivers in front of you who are rubbernecking and slowing you down. Then you get to the accident and do the same thing. any blood? anyone on a stretcher? is the car totaled? what are the paramedics doing? is the new guy in the corner puking his guts out?
…successfully shave your face and sing opera at the same time. You’ve noticed this one too, haven’t you?
…get a brain freeze and not yell out “Brain Freeze!”. Why is it that the second you get a brain freeze you immediately let everyone know? We don’t normally invite other people to watch us writhe in intense pain, yet for some reason, we feel like brain freezes deserve an audience.
…play 3 good holes of golf in a row. Or maybe that’s just me?
…get up off the couch and turn the volume down using the buttons on the TV itself. Thankfully they invented remotes or we’d all be up a creek on this one.
…get the exact amount of desired ice out of a fridge ice dispenser. It either trickles out 1 cube every 20 seconds or it dumps a polar ice cap into your glass before you’ve fully depressed the lever. Who’s designing these things, anyway?
That’s my list, but what are some things that YOU’VE found to be physically impossible?