The Greeting Interceptor (by Tyler Stanton)

I always felt like asking someone to Guest Post on your blog was the online equivalent of asking “hey, do you want to have your picture taken with me?”, so I never did. But I’m over that now, and I’m grateful to have the hilarious Tyler Stanton here as the first ever Ramblings and Such Guest Poster.

There’s all sorts of types of funny, but Tyler is the type of funny that when you read his blog you laugh because you were thinking the same thing and he said it better than you could have. Or you weren’t thinking the same thing and he completely owned you with a joke. For a perfect example of that, here’s Tyler’s thoughts on The Greeting Interceptor.

The Greeting Interceptor

We’ve all had this happen one time or another. Someone looks in your direction and offers up an enthusiastic greeting. You confidently fire back a pleasantry, only to hear the person behind you – the person who the initial greeting was intended for – hesitantly respond. What do you do now (after breaking into a full-body sweat, of course)? There really are only five options:

1. Turn Away
Although this is our default reaction, I strongly suggest using it in moderation. If you’re anything like me, turning away and pretending it never happened will result in days (if not weeks) of self-loathing and regret. You’re essentially admitting defeat. Like George Costanza and the “Jerk Store” debacle, you’ll be driving down the road a month-and-a-half later wishing you would have implemented one of the following four options…

2. Continue the Conversation
This is a bit riskier, but following up your initial greeting with details about how your kids are and how busy your summer has been will undoubtedly result in the other person pulling the Turn Away themselves and seeking out another aisle to catch up with her original target.

3. Faux Bluetooth
This is my go-to. The moment you realize you’ve intercepted the greeting, put your right hand to your right ear, look at whatever product is directly in front of you, and ask the phantom person on the phone if that was what they needed. Give the greeter a side glance and a smile as you tell the person on the phone that you just wanted to double-check and you’ll be home in a minute. It has yet to fail me.

4. Turn the Tables
This is advanced. It requires greater instincts and reflexes than hitting a Randy Johnson fastball. The goal here is to talk past the greeter and make her think she is actually the one intercepting the greeting. There are so many factors involved here (volume, pitch, eye line, props, subject matter, facial expressions, etc) that it is probably best to leave this to the seasoned veterans (i.e. Bryan Allain).

5. Shatter Something
If there is nowhere to turn, you’re out of words, and both of your Bluetooth-less ears have been exposed, the only reasonable way out is to grab the nearest bottle and shatter it. Chances are, when the two or three shards of glass dig into her shin upon impact, she’ll forget all about that embarrassing thing that you just did. Face saved.

(Oh and for the record, should you find yourself intercepting someone’s wave with a wave of your own, there is no hope.)

What about you? Any tips to add to the list?

PS…You absolutely should be reading more of Tyler’s stuff every day at his blog and on his Twitter. Thanks for Guest-Posting, Tyler!