My friend Tyler and I are racing to see who can get to 1000 Twitter followers first.
As of yesterday he was beating me 490-425. This is unacceptable people! This is a dude who refers to his receding hairline spots as his “power alleys”.
(Tripp is racing with us too, but dude already has 800+ followers on Twitter, so he can go take a dump as fas as I’m concerned. Oh and then there’s Jon and his 4000+ followers: dead to me.)
In case you haven’t caught on yet, Twitter’s not just about “what I had for lunch”. It’s also a great vehicle for sharing funny thoughts about the absurdities of everyday life in 140-character bursts.
In order to show you that Twitter can be used for good, Jon, Tyler, Tripp and I are posting 10 of our favorite Tweets from the past few weeks on our blogs today.
You can check their Twitter Highlights out here: Tyler – Tripp – Jon
Here’s mine:
+ gonna start referring to constipation as “stationary bowels” & I’m gonna eat a lot of cheese so I can overuse the new term.
+ If I had to make a list of things I wouldn’t want to eat, mulch would definitely crack the top 500.
+ Buying lunch from the cafeteria at work: $6.41. Stealing it: Priceless.
+ Every time you eat a sandwich at the beach you’re swallowing a few of Abraham’s descendants. Gross, crunchy descendants.
+ Life Rule #406: Never, under any circumstances, watch Bicentennial Man starring Robin Williams.
+ Want 250 brand new twitter followers every day??? Take Lunesta & dream about it, because it’s the only way it’s happening.
+ if everyone donated their lint trap excrement, we could make blankets for the cold homeless of the world. laundromats unite!
+ Kylie, my 7.5 year old, used air quotes yesterday. correctly. hilarious and frightening at the same time.
+ someone just texted me about a dodgeball tournament. honestly, i’d rather eat a dodgeball than play dodgeball. no thanks.
+ at the end of a bowl of cheerios i always congratulate the last cheerio. u made it to the end buddy! then i eat him slowly.
C’mon…you know you want to…
Follow me on Twitter if you dare. And definitely follow Jon, Tripp, and Tyler.
I’m not on Twitter myself, but I’m getting the sense that eating – and things you wouldn’t eat – make up a significant portion of your posts
Ha! The lunesta one made my Friday twitter update. Surely after that you will be flooded with new followers! Sure, you may have to block the pornographic ones, but you might want to wait until after the contest.
I already follow all of you guys and you CRACK ME UP! I think you help make Twitter what it is supposed to be. You make following you fun. I’m pulling for you.
(then again, I just copied and pasted the same comment on Tripp, Tyler & Jon’s blog too so don’t let my endorsement go to your head)