You didn’t ask for free relationship advice, but you’re going to get it anyway. I’m no expert, and I’ve certainly made my share of good and bad decisions, so take it with a grain of salt.
Yes, it’s true that the best relationships are very close to a 50/50 venture, where each partner is contributing to the relationship fairly equally. Think of it as a football field, with both sides meeting at the 50-yard line.
The mistake I see some young couples making (and some old couples too), is that they become too fixated on making sure things are equal. When that is your focus, it doesn’t take long before you start saying “hey, what about my needs?” and “hey, you’re not doing your part!”
To keep the football field analogy going, if you start looking over onto the other side of the field to see where your partner is at, you’ll start backpedaling to make sure you are on the same yard line. The next thing you know, you’re both planted firmly on opposing 20-yard lines, waiting for the other one to make the next move.
If you feel like this happens in your relationship from time to time, try this. The next time you feel yourself backpedaling on the football field thinking “Why do I put more into this relationship”, drop it. Instead of attempting to even the score, do the exact opposite. Go the extra mile.
It doesn’t matter if you are sacrificing more or putting more into the relationship than the other person, after all, that’s what love is. Love is putting the needs of someone else above yours with no conditions, demanding nothing in return. So run for the 50-yard line…and keep running past it if you need to.
Yes, the best relationships usually are 50/50 ventures, but its not because both folks tiptoed up to the 50-yard line at the exact same time. In most cases it’s because they both were sprinting for the other end zone, and met each other half way.
Sometimes all it takes is for one person to start running…so what are you waiting for?
(by the way, after reading this post a few hours after posting it, I realize I should have made something clear. I didn’t learn this lesson from doing it myself. I learned this lesson from Erica, who has never once slowed up in her pursuit of oneness in our relationship. She has taught me more about compassion, forgiveness, and having a servant’s heart than I ever thought there was to know. She’s the teacher…I’m just passing on what I’ve learned.)