ample rambles

hearing people complain about John Cougar Mellencrap’s “Our Country” commercials has become almost as annoying as hearing the actual commercials themselves.

If I was in a Fantasy Hollywood league for box office moneymakers, i would take Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell with my first two picks. I would steal Johnny Knoxville in the 11th round. I’d draft my uncle Tom before I drafted Kevin Costner.

No, I’m not gellin’. In fact, noone I know is gellin’.

i have a hunch that the original lyrics to James’ Taylor’s “shower the people you love with love song” was “shower the people you love with money”. But then he liked the way that “love with love” rolled off the tongue, so he changed it up. if you want my honest opinion, i think the money idea isn’t that bad.

what would happen if all of the world’s pushpins just fell out of their walls all at once? probably total anarchy.

it’s a good thing birds are stupid. i mean, they’re faster than us, they have pointy beaks that could rip us to shreds, and they can move in 3 dimensions when gravity has confined us to 2. I mean, if they ever got together and had some sort of brainstorming session with the top bird minds, they would probably get past this whole “what can we poop on next” thing and move to “let’s desroy the humans”. like i said, i’m glad they’re stupid.

i think yellow is a pretty underrated color. it just doesnt get the love that your blues and reds get. I’d like to say that blue is overrated, but let’s face it, it’s a pretty amazing color.

What’s that thing over your left shoulder?

Made you look.

Either Cream Cheese should be called Creamed Cheese or Creamed Corn should be call Cream Corn. We can’t have both. It’s nonsensical.

If i was a terribly mean person i would go up to a beggar with a $5 bill in each hand and offer him either one of them. Then when he went to grab for one of them i would say, “uh uh uh…beggars can’t be choosers” and i would give him the other $5 bill. In the end, he still gets $5. But since I’m not terribly mean, i probably would never do that.

If anyone can ever isolate the portion of the genetic code that makes your fingernails grow, i would love to know about it and have mine removed. Keeping them trimmed is almost as annoying as having long fingernails.

i love the word “porridge”. i’m thinking about adding it to my diet so that i can start saying it more often.

That’s all i got for today, have yourself a safe one…