i’m golfing on monday and going to the beach on tuesday. if you think i’m excited, you’re not an idiot.
heaven on earth is the perfect ear of corn smothered in butter and salt on a summer evening.
hell on earth is being cut up with a dull screwdriver and boiled alive in hamster urine.
if i was a professional walker for a living i think i would be skinnier
The evil doctor Will is exceeding every expectation on Big Brother 7 this season. just a joy to watch.
do you think the guy who invented the abacus ever saw the calculator coming?
speaking of inventions, the guy who created the paperclip was a genius. he basically took a useless piece of wire, bent it 3 times, and changed the world.
now that we have online dating and online banking, i think it’s only a matter of time before we have online eating. not sure how this will work, but i’m certainly not going to bet against it.
do birds know that we can’t fly, or do they just think we’re scared to try?
i think they should offer sporting events on TV that feature only the ambient sounds from the venue. no announcers. a few cameras micing crowd noise and on-field action. wouldn’t you check it out if you had the option?
when it’s all said and done i think will ferrell falls somewhere in between chevy chase and bill murray in the court of public opinion. for me right now, there’s none better.
the biggest farce ever perpetrated on the american public: the 5-day work week. i think we should all work 9 hour days 4 days a week. it will be a 36-hour work week instead of 40, and we’ll get more work done because we’ll have 3-day weekends year round. frankly, it’s brilliant. perhaps i should start an online petition. or maybe i’m just a doofus…