Fruit is Fruit

You know what phrase I’m sick of hearing? “That’s like comparing apples and oranges.” First of all, what is so wrong with comparing apples and oranges? They’re both pieces of fruit. They both serve the same general purpose. Why can’t we compare them. Apples are less messy to eat and offer a wider variety of choices. Oranges taste better and make a better juice. Which one do i like better? Oranges. There, i just compared them. No big deal. Now try comparing apples to something else like a pair of scissors. Now thats tough. So next time someone says to you, “that’s like comparing apples and oranges.” say to them, “actually its more like comparing apples and scissors.”

my personal favorite drive-thru worker: the “i hate it when people pay with change” guy. on rare mornings when i hit up McD’s for breakfast, I love to pay for it in all change. It’s usually the same guy working and he gets real annoyed. Sometimes he even says, “Is it all here?” just so he doesn’t have to count it. This makes my day.

Imitation Crab Meat. What the heck is this stuff. Or maybe a better question is, why is it named imitation crab meat? couldn’t they have given it a better name? It’s the only thing i can think of that we refer to by what it’s not. They don’t even call Spam “Imitation Ham”. Maybe they should call it “Frab Meat” instead of imitation crab meat. I mean, I enjoy the taste, but how can you feel good about eating anything that is called “imitation”. It’s impossible.

you gotta love February if for no other reason than when March rolls around you get to move the little day counter on your watch 4 whole days. How fun is that?

You want to know what the biggest farce ever perpetrated on the american public is? well, i’m gonna tell you anyway. It’s these asinine SUV commercials that show people driving up mountain cliffs and in muddy swamps. You know what I think? 1 out of every 250 SUV owners has actually driven their vehicle “off a road”. And most of those people probably got accidentally lost and were looking for a shortcut. Don’t try to sell me a vehicle because it will let me climb up the face of a boulder. I could care less. Tell me that your SUV looks the best and will make more of my friends jealous and I’m all over it. The time for an advertising revolution in this country is coming, and I will lead us into it!

I hate it when you think there’s a piece of food stuck in your teeth and you pick at it and there’s really nothing there but the more you pick at it the more irritated it becomes and the more convinced you are that something is there so you keep picking. I hate that.

Rod Stewart…I just don’t get it.

and finally, can someone please explain to me why people smoke? Let me see if i get this straight, you spend all sorts of money to buy these sticks that you smoke and they make your breath stink, your nails and teeth yellow, and your lungs black with cancer. You cant smoke them hardly anywhere, so you need to usually go out of your way to be in a smoke-friendly area. And the more you smoke them, the more addicted you get so that you can’t ever stop. Anybody who thinks that human beings are at the top of the evolutionary chain, needs to think this through. Imagine if dogs smoked? or if cats had this habit that not only added nothing to their lives, but literally killed them? i’m sorry, but sometimes we are idiots.

that’s all…