Welcome to the third installment of How I Roll, a feature where I go into great detail explaining my quirks regarding things you couldn’t care less about.
(Previous How I Rolls: Personal Hygiene Edition and Eating Lunch at Work Edition)
Today we’re going to talk about condiments, because this is my blog and if I want to devote an entire day to condiments, then I will.
My Top 5 Favorite Condiments (in no particular order)
Spicy Mayo -Most of my favorite sushi rolls involve this delightful sauce, and I also enjoy it on a sub or sandwich.
Ketchup – Here’s my rules for ketchup: a MUST for burgers, an OPTION for fries, and NEVER NEVER NEVER with eggs.
Salsa – Is this a condiment? I think so. You can’t really just eat salsa for a meal. I prefer mine red in color, mild or medium, and more saucy and less chunky.
Gravy – Without it, Thanksgiving dinner is just a better-than-average meal. With it, it’s one of the highlights of my year.
Melted Butter – Elevates the majesty of crab, shrimp, and lobster the way Pippen elevated Jordan’s career to another level.
My Top 5 LEAST Favorite Condiments (in no particular order)
Relish -I relish the thought that I’ll never put this nasty stuff on any food I eat.
Vinegar – Not only am I incapable of drinking it, but I can’t stand it on fries, popcorn, or salad.
Hot Sauce – No thanks, I actually like to taste my food.
(this could also be a perfect statement for Tyler Stanton’s “I already know a lot about you game”: “If you try to impress me with your tolerance of ultra-hot hot sauces…I already know a lot about you”)
Mustard – Unquestionably one of the most vile substances on earth.
A1 Steak Sauce – Let’s take one of the best tasting foods in the world and cover in it a vinegary-based sauce that looks like used motor oil!
Most Qverrated Condiment
Ranch Dressing – sorry y’all, I just can’t get into this creamy elixir. I think what frightens me most about it is that it goes on EVERYTHING. At some point you gotta wonder what kinda funky voodoo is happening when you’re putting the same sauce on your fries, salad, pizza, and carrot sticks.
Most Underrated Condiment
Melted Velveeta- We all know it is the most important component of ultimate cheesy salsa, but I think we’re only scratching the surface with what Velveeta can do for us. What is velveeta anyway? Is it cheese or a cheese product? Wait…don’t tell me, it might ruin the fun.
Okay, your turn. What are the favorite and least favorite condiments in your life…
Posted by Bryan AllainTags: Condiments, How I Roll
I agree with the A-1 thing, but only for expensive restaurant steaks, ie, ruth’s chriss or capital grill. but if i throw a steak on the grill or in a pan at home, give me about 3 containers of A-1.
A little hot sauce for an omlet could be the best thing you’ve ever done. (and for the first time in my life a little bit ago, i did the ketchup on eggs thing, not to shabby.)
spicey mayo… already gagging.
I must say I like the Miracle Whip as apposed to reg Mayo..just gives a bit more taste to the ham sandwich. I agree with the ketchup but a must NOT for ketchup would be the hotdog unless you are a kid..I do love the relish but only in my tuna and egg salad..but my all time fav is Thousand Island dressing! Great on the dried out chicken my Grandmother used to make..good on fries too! Great on a hot turkey sandwich…just good stuff to me! O and you forgot Horseradish! A must for the roastbeef sandwich!
I use this cranberry-honey-mustard on turkey sandwiches the day after Thanksgiving. It takes it to a whole other level. And yet I do not use it except during the holiday season. Every year, I think…why do we neglect the cranberry at other times of the year? And then I shut the freezer and leave the bag of frozen cranberries there for nine more months.
I am in total agreement with your loves (with the exception of anything mayo-related, but it’s growing on me with time and tasting).
However, I must confess a good bowl of chunky, hearty salsa and some Tostitos scoops has made a meal for me on more than one occasion. When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I lived off of tomatillo salsa and chips for lunch almost daily.
And vinegar? What is a salad without a tangy vinaigrette? If you don’t do vinegar and you don’t do Ranch dressing (the use of which I agree has gotten a little out of control) what DO you put on your salads?
Sorry to disagree, but mustard of all types is the best condiment ever. A club sandwich is only made perfect with honey mustard. Spicy mustard, honey mustard, Grey Poupon and regular yellow mustard–all great. But I do agree about Ranch, it’s used too much.
Also good is the white sauce at Japanese restaurants. I think one of the main ingredients is crack.
WASABI!
And we are on opposite ends of the love/hate condiment debate. I freaking LOVE mustard…
Daniel would be appalled of your diss on ranch
Mustard is a MUST on hamburgers, and even when using Velveeta for shells and cheese (gives it a little kick)…and mayo yuck.
We are going to have to disagree Bryan. Ranch is my favorite, I eat it on anything, my others would be ketchup and mustard. Ketchup on eggs is just the best thing ever.
Bry…think I agreed w/ everything you said except the hot sauce knock…could be due to my 7 yrs in the south, but goes great on omelettes/b-fast sandy’s…the whole ranch thing is out of control…def the sauce of the rednecks…they probably don’t realize that white zin is not really wine and that mich ultra is gorilla urine
KETCHUP MUST BE Heinz. There is absolutely no other ketchup that tastes as good as it and most other brands are gross. Spend the extra 20 cents to get the good kind!
You are insane when it comes to mustard! I have a minimum of 4 different kinds of mustard in my fridge right now! Mustard rocks! On hot dogs, on ham, on pretzels, mustard rocks and absolutly belongs in the top 5!
1. Wasabi!
2. Spicy Mustard
3. Horseradish
4. Spicy Mayo (especially those w/wasabi)
5. Ranch (on everything)
Over-rated.
Ketchup on anything but eggs.
Under-rated.
Cholulu…I will eat Cholula on eggs,burritos,pizza…in a glass of tomato juice…yummy!
Ok Brian…im sorry but Mustard? How can you not like mustard? It is the nectar of the gods!! Without mustard, a hotdog would be nothing more than a slab of meat inside a piece of bread…it makes the world go round…
…makes the world go round…
Ok maybe it doesn’t make the world go round but its not vile thats for sure…
I am with the mustard lovers. So many mustards, so few meat eating opportunities to love them all fairly.
We don’t do ranch in Australia, so can’t make a call on that one.
No mention of Hollandaise for eggs.
Now I’m hungry enough to make an “I’m so hungry” post
you mustard people are crazy. it’s so yellowy and it smells like mustard. give me a hot dog with some ketchup and maybe some onions and I’m a happy guy.
as for wasabi and horseradish, no thanks. if i want my nostrils cleaned out i’ll use a kleenex.
your nostrils need more help than a tiny piece of soft tissue….haha another cheap shot by me…sorry, Bry
well, i set myself up for that one..was wondering which doofus would jump on it. (and no need for apologies, this is a safe place to pick on me. i encourage it.)
Ranch. On. Everything!!!
oh, and i have to agree with you on the Mustard, Bryan. Pure vileness.