Welcome to another edition of the Crystal Schnoz NFL Precaps, a weekly column where the Schnoz looks ahead to all the games played between two professional football teams in which they try to score more points than each other while wearing cool helmets.
If you’ve wandered here by accident, federal law requires you to read this entire post before exiting. Skimming – while not technically illegal – is greatly frowned upon.
Week 14 features 16 games, including one that was played last night!
Cowboys 41, Bears 28
Dallas gets to 9 wins!
But will they make the playoffs? I don’t know…it’s been looking more and more like the two wild cards are going to come from the West and the North.
This Sunday’s Eagles-Seahawks game is huge, and Dallas fans should be pulling for Philly! I think Dallas is going to need to beat the Colts or the Eagles, and they’re gonna need Seattle to stumble down the stretch.
Ravens at Dolphins (-2.5)
This is the closest thing to a playoff game you can get in Week 14 of the season.
I like both of these teams, but I picked the Dolphins to make the playoffs to start the season, so I’m riding them.
Dolphins 28, Ravens 27
Giants at Titans (+1.0)
Seven losses in a row for the Giants. Do I hear eight? Yes, I hear eight.
Titans 23, Giants 17
Rams at Redskins (+3.0)
The spread tells you that these teams are evenly matched, but they couldn’t be headed in more opposite directions.
I truly wonder if RGIII will ever start for an NFL team again, and I can’t believe I’m saying that. (And neither can Subway.)
Rams 31, Redskins 20
Steelers at Bengals (-3.0)
There is list of people who don’t trust Andy Dalton in big games, and my name is on that list.
(Oh and btw, these two teams play twice in the next 4 weeks. A Steelers sweep and I think they’re in the playoffs.)
Steelers 34, Bengals 24
Colts at Browns (-3.5)
By my calculations the Colts only need to win 1 of their last 4 games (and need 1 Houston loss) to get in. Might as well get it done this week.
Colts 45, Browns 17
Panthers at Saints (-10.0)
I picked the Saints to win the Super Bowl, so no, I’m not jumping off the Titanic. We’re going down together, Drew!
Saints 25, Panthers 20
Texans at Jaguars (+6.0)
I fully expect JJ Watt to kick an extra point in this blowout.
Texans 23, Jaguars 6
Buccaneers at Lions (-10.0)
8-4 is great, but Detroit needs to finish strong to make the playoffs. I’m not sure they will, but I think they’ll take care of this confused Bucs team this week.
Lions 34, Buccaneers 21
Jets at Vikings (-6.0)
Vikings 30, Jets 22
Bills at Broncos (-10.0)
The Broncos aren’t exactly accelerating into the payoffs, but they’ll still be there nonetheless.
For the Bills, this is almost a playoff game so I do expect them to show up. Just not sure they can keep up.
Broncos 34, Bills 27
Chiefs at Cardinals (+1.0)
Speaking of quasi-playoff games, the Chiefs really need this one. Lucky for them, they’re catching a banged up Arizona team at the right time.
Chiefs 20, Cardinals 17
Seahawks at Eagles (-1.0)
Chip Kelly has had an extra few days to prepare for this game, and he’s going to need it. The Seahawks defense is rounding into last year’s form once again.
There’s still a decent chance the Seahawks make the playoffs even with a loss, but a win could potentially mean stealing a bye away from Philly.
Game of the week, in my opinion. Can’t wait to watch it.
Seahawks 27, Eagles 24
Niners at Raiders (+8.0)
It’s the battle of the bay, being played closer to San Francisco than if it was a Niners home game.
San Francisco is not going to make the playoffs, like I predicted in September, but they’ll sneak out a win here.
Niners 23, Raiders 16
Patriots at Chargers (+3.5)
Tough spot for the Chargers facing a New England team coming off a loss.
If home field means anything to New England, and I think it means everything, they get it done in SoCal.
Patriots 34, Chargers 17
Falcons at Packers (-13.0)
Huge potential for a letdown game here for Green Bay, but the windchill on Sunday night will be about 20 degrees.
The Falcons don’t want none of that.
Packers 45, Falcons 24
Enjoy the games, everyone!