7 Signs the Apocalypse is Nigh

It’s been a crazy week and it’s just getting crazier, especially here on the East Coast of the US! Hide your kids, hide your wife, and heck, hide your husbands too.

The apocalypse is about to happen…here’s how we know:

 7 Signs the Apocalypse is Nigh

1.Earthquakes! Not in California! (Did I feel it when it happened? Yes. But I was robbed of the experience of freaking out. You see, all morning they were excavating a parking lot adjacent to my building so it felt like earthquakes from 8am to Noon. So when the earth DID shake at 3pm? I just assumed they were excavating again. Bummed that I couldn’t freak out like other people.)

2. A 61-year old Lifeguard sues New York to be able to wear tight-fitting lycra swimsuit! (True Story. The guy doesn’t want to wear speedos, he wants to wear “jammers”, which are tight but go down to the knee. He claims board shorts and regular trunks slow him down. Another thing that probably slows him down: being 61. But kudos to him for fighting for his right to jam.)

3. Bombings, executions, and political unrest in Libya surrounding Gadhafi’s regime! (Is it me or are there 18 spellings of Gahafi’s last name? The other day I loaded CNN.com and between the Libya fiasco and the breaking earthquake news it really did look like the world was about to end. You know all the end-times prophet lovers are recording new poorly made “The World is About to End” prediction videos as you read this.)

4. Tim Ferriss to be first author on Amazon Books imprint! (What does this True Story have to do with the Apocalypse? It confirms my suspicion that the Anti-Christ might be revealed soon. Do I think it’s Tim Ferriss? Heck no. Love that guy. He’s the reason I lost 15 pounds this summer. For my money the Anti-Christ might be Amazon.com. Or Google. Or Apple. Speaking of which…)

5. Steve Jobs steps down as Apple CEO! (I don’t care how amazing Tim Cook is and how involved Jobs remains, it will take some time getting used to not having Steve as the face of the company. On a related note, I’m pretty excited for iOS 5. Also related, I’m a nerd.)

6. Bryan Allain releasing his first eBook on September 14th! (I tried to make this the funniest eBook on blogging there ever was. My goal was to make it so entertaining that even folks who don’t blog might enjoy it – thought that’s probably a stretch. Not only are the chapters funny, but I threw in random one-liners and bits between each chapter just because I could. Get a free review copy for your blog at 31daystoMojo.com)

7. Hurricane Irene rocking the East Coast! (Our church canceled all Sunday services already – we’re doing one on Saturday night – and we’re making sure there are plenty of movies, food options, and flashlight batteries in the Allain household. Sunday looks to be a complete washout for us, but it all depends on how Irene tracks.)

Any of these apocalyptic signs affect you?

Or maybe you’ve got your own signs that the end is nigh?

If so, share them with us!