Sometimes Tyler Stanton and I get angry at people. Instead of yelling at them, we hold it in and write them letters we’ll never actually deliver because we’re punks.
These are those letters.
Dear Person who Writes Angry Political Rants on Facebook Every Day,
I’d rather staple my tongue to my chin than click on one of your links.
Every day it’s the same nonsense about conspiracies and not trusting a certain party of the government.
Is this really what you think about every day?
Never thought I’d see the day when I wished someone would share what they had for breakfast, but your status updates make me long for a simpler time when people talked about Cap’n Crunch and wheat toast.
Angrily yours, Tyler & Bryan
PS – I heard the government actually wants you to eat a terrible breakfast as a way to control you via the insufficient healthcare system they’ve created. Pass it on…
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Dear Person in the silver Hyundai Elantra Yesterday,
Thanks for driving 5 MPH under the speed limit as we approached that traffic light yesterday, only to gun it as soon as the light turned yellow so that you could make it through but I wouldn’t have a chance.
I don’t care that it only added an extra 90 seconds to my commute, those were the most frustrating 90 seconds of my entire day.
Angrily yours, Tyler & Bryan
PS – I apologize for wishing that I had a missile launcher on my car that would completely destroy your vehicle without killing you.
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How about you?
You guys kill this every time we do it. Got any more angry letter you need to write?