Books I Didn't Write #008

Books I Didn’t Write is a recurring gag here at the blog. I take a random picture, come up with a title, and then write up a fake review.

Yes, it is as dumb as it sounds.

Dear Dead Leaf: steamy love letters to nature

by Bryan Allain

Publisher: Harlequin Outdoors

Order Status: Out of Season

For Fans of: rolling around in the morning dew, watching walruses mate, the beauty of an ant hill, the way the wind whistles between two poorly built condominiums, the steady beating of the waves against the shore, and spiders.

Summary: World renowned word artist Bryan Allain takes readers on an exotic journey into Mother Nature’s bedroom. As safe for the whole family as the Song of Solomon, readers will delight in the gentle verbal caresses Bryan lavishes on the earth.

What People Are Saying:

“Is it getting hot in here or is that global warming? Neither. It’s Dear Dead Leaf.”

“Mother Nature has been a naughty girl.”

“My husband and I read this every night before going to bed. It certainly has made our evenings more exciting…and earthy! “

Book Excerpts:

“Dear Acorn, how I want to eat you. You seem as though you would fall somewhere between the peanut and the soybean on the taste scale. And when your scaly hat is separated from it’s meaty bottom, it makes for a great thumb whistle.”

“Dear Firefly, why must you go so soon? For two years I have waited for you to emerge from the ground, and now after only 2 weeks of burning bright as an adult you are going to leave me. Perhaps a love that burns this bright can not last much longer than a fortnight…”

“Dear Cirrus clouds, how wispy you are. Unlike your chunky brother Cumulonimbus, you are fleet of foot and always stretching yourself for greater things. You never bring rain or lightning, only hope and the promise of a better tomorrow where we can enjoy each other’s embrace.”

Awards: Book of the Year – Earth, Wind, Fire, and Air Magazine

People Who Liked This Book Also Enjoyed:

  • Tree-Hugging for Fun and Bark Burns
  • 101 Ways to Roll Down a Grassy Hill
  • The Idiot’s Guide To Massaging Your Lawn
  • Twilight
  • Ninja Quest 8: The Revenge of the Mulch.

Place your order, leave a review, or write your own love letter to nature the comments.

(You can check out past Books I Didn’t Write here)