Message in a Bottle

If you found a message in a bottle, what’s the most ridiculous things the note could say?

I asked my twitter peeps this week and they said:

“please save me… i’m a note trapped in a bottle!” – joebassett

“Obviously I don’t care much about recycling” –jordancooper

“definitely the red one. the blue doesn’t work at all.” –ferrero51

“obviously we are out of milk” –joshbayne80

Good job guys…here’s the best I could come up with.

1. If you are Karen Evansville from 711 Swamptree Lane, I love you. If you are not, please reseal and throw this back in the ocean.

2. Congratulations.

3. I will find you and I will kill you.

4. Who’s the bigger loser? Me for sending this note, or you for thinking it was going to be something cool?

5. I owe Jim Larson $20. Actually, now you owe Jim Larson $20.

6. In the future the internet is destroyed and we send all correspondence through bottle messages to avoid the land pirates. The future is horrible. Don’t have children.

7. Shipwrecked? Call 800-555-YAWN and I’ll tell you some stories to help with the boredom.

8. Did you smell it? That fart has been trapped since 1997. I made a run for the border and had seven 49-cent tacos. Yo quiero Taco Bell.

9. It was my dying wish for someone special to find this note and the accompanying check for $100,000. There WAS a check with this note, RIGHT?

10. Hungry? Present this coupon for a Free Dessert with purchase of two entrees at Outback Steakhouse, Expires 03/31/01

11. Message in a bottle

12. You just let the genie out, moron.

13. Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

14. I’ve taped a video message for you, click here to read it.

15. Please write a blog about this experience.

16. Five years before sending this bottle out, I asked the love of my life to marry me. She disappeared the next day, only to show up on my doorstep 6 months later with a rose in her hand and a picture of a $100 bill tattooed on her left arm. She finally said “yes”…but I had moved on. She told me that once she explained herself  and the incredible journey she had been through, I would understand. So she sat me on the couch and blew my mind for the next hour with the most INCREDIBLE story I have ever heard. You know what, I’m running out of paper here so I’ll finish this up with bottle #2. I’ll scotch tape both bottles to each other so they stay together. I’m sure scotch tape will hold up out on the ocean. Enjoy Part 2, it will change your life.

17. Help me Obi-Wan, you’re my only hope.

18. You have that Police song stuck in your head now, don’t you?

19. Sorry, couldn’t think of anything better to write.

20. God told me that my true love would one day find this note. Please email me at so we can begin our lives together.

21. I totally rubbed pee and poop all over this note.

Any of you ever sent or found a message in a bottle?

If not, what would be the last thing you’d expect to find in one?