I can be passionate, compassionate, empathetic, and thoughtful when I need to be.
But I don’t just spread the love around to anything and anyone.
There’s some things in life I just can’t muster up any care for…
I Couldn’t Care Less…
…that your rims spin.
…about which states will give me a nickel for an empty soda bottle.
…if he went to Jared.
…about how much you can bench press.
…about whatever is on C-Span right now.
…about whether you put my gallon in a bag or not.
…about your great rates on Term Life Insurance.
…that the weigh station is closed.
…about what toothpaste dentists recommend.
…about what brand of gasoline i put in my car.
…about Golden Globe nominations.
…about how much niacin is in a serving of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
…what tonight’s winning lottery numbers were.
…about the 10,000 word theological dissertation you posted on Facebook last night.
…what’s in your wallet.
…that the potato chip you found that looks like Jesus, even though we have no idea what he looked like.
…about Susan Boyle’s makeover.
…about how fast your car can go from 0 to 60.
…about FM radio.
…about Brangelina, which sounds like a delicious cereal, by the way.
…about that email you’re going to forward to me that was debunked on Snopes 3 years ago.