More Living With the Amish

Time for another edition of Living with the Amish (you can see the previous 14 editions here).

As always, these are actual shots from around Lancaster County, PA taken by yours truly.

Here we go…

Took my first ride in an Amish buggy ever a couple weeks ago.

Well, the cabin of the buggy was Amish.

But the engine was a lot more than 1 horse power.

I’m in talks right now for a sponsorship deal for BryanAllain.com

I took my buddy Tyler to the park to see what an Amish softball night was like.

As you can see, he was very uncomfortable with the whole thing.

Had to carry him back to the car and use smelling salts to unfreeze him from this position.

The biggest surprise for him was that Amish people will watch TV in public.

These guys are watching the Flyers play in the Stanley Cup Finals.

Of course, they spent the entire time marveling at the playoff beards.

Tyler also learned a valuable lesson in Amish attraction.

If you wear worldly clothes, you’ll have a girl on your arm in no time.

Throw in a Turkey Hill Iced Tea bottle and a cigarette?

One on each arm.

I asked this Amishman how he would defend a free kick from 30 yards with 1 arm.

Good answer.

and now for a few Amish equivalents…

Amish Viking.

Amish training wheels.

and finally…

Amish Car Wash.

…only in Lancaster County.

thanks to Kevin S. for sending in the viking and car wash pics.

More Living With the Amish

Time for another edition of Living with the Amish (you can see the previous 13 editions here).

As always, there are actual pictures taken from my actual phone. As far as I know, no souls were captured during the taking of these photos.

Before we get into the jokes, let’s get serious for a minute.

You see this?

If you ever visit Amish Country this is called DO NOT PASS.

There is a probably a car coming the other way. It will not turn out well.

This is the Amish version of the station wagon.

Kind of like a convertible K-Car that only goes 12 miles an hour.

With an engine that drops huge turds on the road.

Continue reading More Living With the Amish

More Living With the Amish

Time for another edition of Living with the Amish (you can see the previous 12 editions here).

As always, there are actual pictures taken from my actual phone.

Remember those turtle carriers cars used to use in the 80s?

This is the Amish version.

Wood, plastic wrap, and a red rope.

Caught this Amish guy driving a motorized vehicle.

He thought no one would catch him in his Evilmobile, but I was there to snap a picture.

I’m like the Chris Hansen of the Amish community.

Hey horse, GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

As if riding a scooter in the dead of winter isn’t punishment enough,

here, wear this bright safety vest so no one misses you.

When the snow and ice are too much for the buggy, it’s time to break out the sled.

(aka, Amish snow tires)

What’s in the backpack, buddy?

Hockey sticks?

Farm equipment?

Power outlets and extension cords?

If you live in Lancaster County and have a nose, then you know what this is.

It’s a large green vessel filled with manure for enriching the soil.

When the wind is blowing just right, these things can ruin your entire day.

and finally, time to ask you guys for a caption

i took this picture at the movies a few weeks ago. If you can’t tell, I’m sitting behind an Amish girl.

(caption please)

More Living with the Amish

Today is a special winter edition of Living with the Amish.

As always, these are real pictures of real amish folk taken with my real iPhone.

Here we go…

This shot was taken from my front step during a snowstorm last month.

It proves 3 things:

1. Amish buggies DO drive down my street.

2. Amish horses fear no weather.

3. I did not cut the tall grass in front of our house like I told Erica I would. (Husband FAIL)

This is a truck full of Amish people.

You can’t read the back window sticker, but it says, “Al Qaeda Hunting Club”

Wail until Osama finds out the Amish are after him.

and wait until they’re community leaders find out they were driving in a devilmobile.

The next time you get mad because your car’s not warming up fast enough, remember little Jakey.

Scooter + cold winter morning = Frostbite FAIL

Remember the days when you could fit 4 horses onto 1 street?

Road FAIL.

This is what happens when you’re crawling behind an Amish buggy at 10 MPH and get rear-ended.

It happened to me last week, and while my car needs work, thankfully I’m okay.

For those of you who think I owe the Amish an apology for these posts, I think we’re even now.

Normal sledding = you on a sled, having a blast on snowy hills.

Amish sledding = your groceries on a sled,  hating life on snowy roads.

Finally, this has nothing to do with the Amish, but I had to share it anyway.

It’s a mug from a cabin we stayed at recently,

and it might be the creepiest beverage holder in the entire Western Hemisphere.

Mother-In-Law FAIL.

To see more posts like this, visit the Living With The Amish Index Page.

More Living With the Amish

As always, these are real pictures of real amish folk taken with my real iPhone.

Today’s pictures were all taken at a local community fun day.

Here we go…

It’s a little known drawback to growing up with a TV.

You never see anyone hula hooping.

For all these girls know, this plastic ring is the biggest necklace ever.

Or the shortest tunnel ever.

3 things you didn’t know about the Amish:

1. They make amazing whoopie pies.

2. They make amazing donuts.

3. They have an official sponsorship deal with Mountain Dew.

Erica frantically searches her wallet for Amish money to pay for Parker’s donut.

Pop Quiz Hotshot:

This young Amish boy is quizzically looking on as everyone else…

a) does the hokey pokey

b) does the Soulja Boy

c) tries to remain culturally relevant

I was planning on making a crack about the amish kids having fun in the blowup castle,

but clearly we need to talk about the two non-Amish fire volunteers.

Dude in the foreground needs to find a better way to sit while he winds his backup watch.

Dude in the background might be a tad too old to be running excitedly into one of those.

(see that, I’m an equal opportunity fun poker.

I’ll poke fun at everyone, regardless of their stance on technology.)

Though her Amish background frowned upon cheating,

the young girl knew there was no way she was getting under that limbo pole the right way.

Her parents weren’t looking, so it was now or never.

You go girl!

You’ll be excommunicated from the Amish church,

but it was SO worth it.

To see more posts like this, visit the Living With The Amish Index Page.

More Living with the Amish

Before we get to the Amish, I wanted to mention that I’ve got the honor of being a guest-poster over at Jon Acuff’s Stuff Christians Like blog today. It’s about playing fantasy football for money, and I’ll put a link at the end of this post so you can go over and check it out.

(and if you’re an SCL reader who’s new here, you can check out some of the most popular posts in the sidebar once you’re done with this post and subscribe to the feed. thanks for checking things out!)

As always, these are real pictures of real amish folk taken with my real iPhone on real roads while driving a real car.

Except for the first two pictures, which are real, but were graciously submitted by a reader, Kevin.

Here we go…

Like two weight watchers members meeting in front of a Krispy Kreme,

these Amish boys just happened to stop and talk in front of the iPod Touch display.

Avoid the appearance of evil, boys.

No matter how hard I stare at the words on this notebook

they refuse to transfer themselves to the monitor thing over there.

Someday I’ll make my first sale and have enough money to decorate.

Classic bait and switch here.

Oh, is your giant horse thirsty from pulling all that weight?

Well, let’s get him some cool water to drink…

…and while he’s recovering, perhaps you should think about downsizing from that gas-guzzling stallion.

How about this, Amos?

We’ll get the roof on and you can be in charge of standing this 2×4 on its end.”

We interrupt this post about Amish people with big news…

BIMBO is now available at your local convenience store!

Now back to the Amish…

2 out of every 3 Amish children is afraid of non-Amish runners with big noses.

Judging by his bags, this guy and his 3-pronged beard just saved some serious cash.

But time is money…

…and the 3-hour walk home will put him back in the red.

And you thought the bloods and the crips was just a West Coast thing.

To see more posts like this, visit the Living With The Amish Index Page.

P.S. – here’s the link for my post at SCL: Playing Fantasy Football for Money.

More Living With the Amish

As always, these are actual photos of actual Amish folks taken with my actual phone while I drive on actual roads.

And as far as I know, no Amish souls were corrupted or destroyed in the making of this blog post.

Sometimes Amish children are allowed to take to the road by themselves.

Of course, when they do the are given the miniature horse.

This particular horse is the Amish equivalent of a Mini-Cooper.

This horse is more like the Pontiac Fiero.

These kids are too young to be driving themselves.

So instead, they sit patiently in the back of their buggy,

wondering what life would be like at speeds greater than 12 miles per hour.

You’ve heard that Amish folks eschew shoes whenever they can, and it’s true.

Honestly, I can’t think of one good reason why anyone would cut the grass barefoot,

but this dude is going for it.

Then again,

I can’t think of any good reason to mow corn either.

Amish folks love to read, and usually check out 8-10 books at the Family Center’s Library.

Here’s a group of readers who will never download books on a Kindle.

(and you can’t see it here, but these women were, in fact, barefoot.)

In this picture, Erica is either…

a) writing a check for Amish vegetables

b) asking this boy to sign a waiver to appear on my blog

or c) carving “I heart Technology” into his vegetable stand when he’s not looking.

Amish boy on a busy road wearing a blue shirt…

going very slow on a scooter.

Amish man on a busy road wearing a reflective jacket…

going very fast on a scooter.

And here’s the last few seconds of this rollerblading Amish girl’s life.

(I kid, I kid)

For more posts like this, visit the Living With the Amish Index Page.