Advertising Brilliance #001

15 Comments Posted on Mon, Mar 8th, 2010 - 09:48 am by Bryan Allain

I recently realized I was born to be in advertising. Not sure why it took me this long to see it, but it’s only a matter of time before every major ad firm is begging me to join their staff and every major company is on my doorstep asking me to hock their wares.

I’m sure I could make some calls and get hired by an ad agency in 10.5 seconds, but that’s not how I roll. I’d rather do my thing and let them come to me.

Please don’t be alarmed by the sheer genius and awe-inducing power of what you’re about to see. And please don’t try to donate money to me for sharing these…I’ll be dropping these on you pro bono every week until I get hired to do this full time. It shouldn’t take long…

If you’re an ad agency and you want some of this, it’s bryanallain-at-gmail.com.

If you’re a company with a product to sell, ditto.

I’m changing the game…we are all witnesses.

Filed in ... Humor, Videos

Saturday Cowbell

6 Comments Posted on Sat, Mar 6th, 2010 - 11:21 am by Bryan Allain

Totally forgot this video existed until yesterday.

It’s from 2006, and it’s me playing a rather uninspired cowbell on stage with my favorite band of all time, Caedmon’s Call.

(I make an appearance at the :07 and the 1:07 mark wearing my red sox sweatshirt)

It was always a dream of mine to play on stage with Caedmon’s, still makes me smile to watch it.

Got me thinking, if you could play cowbell on stage with any band in the world, who would it be?

Bonus points if your answer rhymes with Pickleback.

Filed in ... Videos

Everyday Absurdities by Tyler Stanton

2 Comments Posted on Fri, Mar 5th, 2010 - 11:27 am by Bryan Allain

My friend Tyler has a new book out that will make you laugh fairly hard.

You won’t be buckled over and in pain from laughing, because let’s face it, books don’t usually make you do that unless they have a secret pouch of nitrous oxide in the front cover that releases when you open it.

But this book will make you laugh a whole lot more than a bag of 48 quarters would. That I can assure you.

I like to think I know funny, and Tyler is one of the funniest people I know. I mean, check out the promo video:

Click here to buy one before you die.

And have a great weekend.

Filed in ... Miscellaneous

Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk

8 Comments Posted on Thu, Mar 4th, 2010 - 08:00 am by Bryan Allain

Welcome to Cliche Thursday, where each week we deconstruct 5 expressions that we’ve all become a little too familiar with and ask you for some of your own least favorites.

Today we’re focusing on a few food related expressions…

Here we go…

“It’s as easy as pie” – Is it as easy as baking a pie or as easy as eating a pie? Because baking a pie isn’t very easy. Not that I’d know because I’ve never actually done it. Because it’s hard.

But eating a pie? Easier than breathing. And arguably more important.

“Don’t cry over spilled milk” – Seriously, if you’re gonna cry, go do it somewhere else. All the leucine enkephalin in your tears mixes with the phospholipids in the milk makes it a real bear to get out of the carpets.

Go cry over the plants in the family room, they need to be watered.

“Everything from soup to nuts” – What spectrum could we possibly be talking about in which soup is all the way on one side and nuts are all the way over on the other side?

Perhaps this expression originated in the world’s first grocery store in which the canned soup aisle was along the north wall and the nuts were stacked along the south wall. And when the stock boy asked his boss which aisles needed to be swept, the manager replied, “Sweep the whole store! Everything from soup to nuts!”

“It’s hot enough to fry an egg on a sidewalk” – But how hot does it actually have to be?

…so hot that no one else is outside using the sidewalks who might step on your eggs.

…so hot that you can also toast bread on a sewer grate.

…so hot that you need to put your cup of coffee in the shade or it will evaporate into nothingness.

…so hot that if you need cheese for your omelet, you can squeeze it right out of the cow’s udders.

THAT’S how hot it is.

“He’s the bread winner of the family” – But the truth is, they’d be able to afford some meat and potatoes too if he was gainfully employed.

Heck, he doesn’t even need to get a job, he just needs to start entering contests that offer a better first prize than bread.

What About You: Any expressions really sizzling your bacon lately?

Add them to the list so we can skewer them in the coming weeks.

Filed in ... Humor