Announcing the Killer Tribes Conference

Well…this is probably the biggest, scariest thing I’ve done since I drank an entire glass of water at 10pm as a bed-wetting 12-year old at a sleepover at my friend Seth’s house.

Let’s hope it turns out better than that night did.

Ladies and Gentleman, introducing the Killer Tribes Conference…

Registration is live, and time is already running out on the Super Early Bird rate. Can’t wait for you to meet these presenters, and can’t wait to tell you who else is on the verge of joining the lineup. For more info, visit the conference web site: The Killer Tribes Conference

If you’re a blogger, writer, artist, pastor, small business owner, or anyone else looking to expand their reach, find their fans, & build a killer tribe, THIS CONFERENCE IS FOR YOU.

This is going to be so much fun I might pee in my pants…and boy, wouldn’t that be life coming full circle?

Can’t wait to see who the first few folks are who jump on board and get tickets. Stay tuned…

My Trip to the ECHO and Quitter Conferences

How do you cram 5 days of amazingness into 1 blog post? I’m not sure.

But that’s not gonna stop me from trying. (yes, this is a long post. I apologize in advance.)


3:45pm – I ordered new business cards last minute because of a new project that just jumped out at me. Tracked the package online all day because I needed them to arrive, only to find out that they are sitting at the local post office, which closed at 3:30pm. Not my finest hour. (Thankfully I sent the other half of the order to Nashville in case this happened).


4:15am – Alarm goes off. Equally excited and disgruntled. I had a softball game the night before so I’ve got less than 5 hours sleep. I will be reminded of this around 16 hours later when I am on the verge of tears listening to Jon Acuff talk. Why? Because less than 5 hours of sleep turns me into a depressed bucket of emotions. I’m not alone in that, right?

1:00pm – My friend Chris and I arrive at ECHO and I get to meet some amazing people like Scott McClellan (director of Echo), Rob Thomas (Scott’s dashing boss), and Gary Molander (Floodgate Productions) who have actually heard of this blog. Always a thrill when that happens.

7:00pm – Jon Acuff does the first keynote of the conference and slays the crowd. As I mentioned earlier, I am a mess because Jon is on stage making people laugh and I am going back to work on Monday (and the lack of sleep). Then Jon says, “Never compare your beginning to someone else’s middle” and I realize it’s exactly what I’m doing.

10:00pm – Two great guys (Gerik and Jake) give Chris and I a ride back to the hotel. I’m hoping to wake up with my sanity restored.


9:00am – A full night of sleep, a few minutes of prayer in the morning, and a large coffee from Dunkin Donuts have righted the good ship Allain for the time being.

Continue reading My Trip to the ECHO and Quitter Conferences

A Little Bit of Speaking

I spoke to 125 Jr. High schoolers last night at TwentyFourSeven Youth’s March Madness event at church.

It was Minute to Win it night and it was insane. So much going on, seemingly all at once, and yet everyone knew where they belonged and played their part. Much props to Chris Fry, Jake Wood, and the whole 247 Youth leadership team for what they do.

I’m back tonight to speak to the high schoolers, and I’m really looking forward to it. Gotta be honest, I’m more intimidated by junior high kids than I am high schoolers. I just worry that I’m not gonna be able to connect with the junior high crowd. But the response was great last night, so I’m trusting God to be there again tonight and use the combination of my dumb stories and His truth to change lives.

If you’re looking for a speaker for a youth retreat this year, I’ve got room on my schedule to possibly book 1 or 2. My rates for an entire  weekend are somewhere between $1000 and $2000, depending on the nights I’m there and the messages I speak.

There’s more info on my Speaking Page, including quotes from Youth Pastors that didn’t hate me, so you can check that out if you like.

Email me at bryanallain(at)gmail if you’re interested…

Caption This Idiot

I’m flying out to Nebraska this weekend to speak at a high school retreat at Summit Christian College. Should be a blast to connect with a few readers and challenge some young minds.

Been a busy speaking month for me. Spoke to the men’s group at my church last week and spoke to a local youth group at their Fall retreat last weekend. Still enjoying it though, so bring it on.

This picture is from last Friday night’s service. Not sure at what point during the service it was snapped, but I know it’s begging for a caption. So have at it…

Continue reading Caption This Idiot

I Will Make You Laugh AND

93% of you come to this site to laugh, and for that I am so humbled and thankful. Making people laugh has always been one of my favorite things in the world.

I understand, however, why I don’t get booked for many speaking gigs. If I’m “the funny guy”, then why else would you bring me in other than to tell jokes? Since, I’m not a comedian, there seems to be a disconnect. So…how do i fix this?

Well, the short answer is that I am working on it. (And the long answer is too long to type.)

But here’s a few things I want you, my amazing readers, to know:

5 Things You Should Know About Me

1. Over the past 18 months I’ve spoken to groups as big as 800 and as small as 2. Well, the group of 2 was a lecture to my kids, but I really connected with them, you should have seen it.

2. I can speak on any day of the week! I spoke to a college chapel on a Monday and Tuesday, I spoke to my church on a Wednesday, and I’ve spoken to a few groups of high school students on Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday. Yes, I realize Thursday is a glaring omission. It’s because I fast the English language on Thursday and instead communicate with grunts and body movements.

3. I’m not a comedian, but I will still make you laugh. I know there’s a disconnect here because I mostly tell jokes on my blog, so you might want me to come to your church and do that. Truth is, I don’t have a 20 minute set of bits that I work on. But every talk I prepare is always loaded with humorous personal stories and decent one-liners. I try to be just as funny in person. And if, I’m not, you can laugh at me for trying.

4. I’m a good public speaker. “Wow, how prideful!” you say. No…prideful would be calling myself “an amazing orator”. I’m still getting better every time and have a ways to go, but when I get up there I do know what I’m doing. You don’t have to worry about bringing me in and watching me stumble my way through my notes while you sit there like GOB Bluth and think, “I’ve made a huge mistake”.

5. I connect really well with younger people. Even though I’ll be 34 here soon (crazy), for some reason I am still able to connect really well with high schoolers and young adults. I’m pretty sure it’s because in my head I’m still in my early 20s. Or maybe it’s my juvenile sense of humor and ability to drop my maturity level to that of a 14-year old at will. Either way, if you’re having trouble finding someone to connect with 16-30 year olds, I’d love to take a stab at it. And I’d love to stab them if they don’t think I’m funny.

You can read more about all this on my speaking page. I’m in the process now of getting quotes from the people who have brought me in to speak because they’ve all seemed to think it was a success, so now I’m gonna make them put that crap on paper and make them sign it.

If you’re wondering what I would speak on, I have messages prepared based around a few of my more popular faith-related blog posts (as well as a bunch of others I’ve prepared at someone’s request – something I could do for you too):

Bottom Line is, if you’re looking to bring in someone who’s not your typical speaker, someone who’s an Engineer by day and humor blogger by passion, someone with a big nose who can connect with an audience and make them laugh while sharing truth, and someone who can write a run-on sentence, I might be your guy.

Hit me up at bryanallain(at) and we can talk.

Thanks for letting me riff on this, more funny next week.

Learning To Be Content

I spoke at church on Wednesday night about coveting, contentment, and Nintendo. If you want to listen and giggle at my lisp like a little girl, then don’t bother clicking the link. I really don’t appreciate you making fun of me.

However, if you’d like to marvel at my oration skills and my cold-induced masculine voice, you have my permission to listen. Here’s the link:

Learning to Be Content

I’m still looking to book a couple more speaking engagements in 2010, so if you’re interested in bringing me in to communicate with your church, youth group, college group, or men’s group, check out the speaking page or shoot me an email ( and we can make it happen.

Tar Heel Weekend

Erica and I are headed southbound this morning as I’ll be speaking at a Youth Retreat in North Carolina for the next 3 days. So excited to spend time with some high school students, inspiring them to wake up to the journey God has them on.

If you think of us this weekend (or right now), say a little prayer for safe travels, that my words are clear, and that God’s spirit is there transforming hearts and minds. And that I don’t get forced into climbing a rock wall. I despise rock walls.

Oh and as an added bonus, we’ll be visiting with my sister Steph and her husband Michael today…so we’ll get to meet my new niece Adah. Very cool!

Have a great weekend wherever you’re at, more nonsense coming next week.

ps…if you’re thinking about booking a speaker for an event next year, shoot me an email – bryanallain(at)gmail – and we can talk about making it happen.

pps…Tyler gave me a shout-out in his guest post at Stuff Christians Like today. check it out, he’s a funny dude.

Weekend Recap

Had a great weekend these past few days. So great that it deserves it’s own blog post.

Friday Night hung out with our friends Lauren and Jon. We crushed 8 sushi rolls (even Lauren tried a piece!) from Aoki in Exton and the Red Sox won. Kylie went to the movies with her friend Chan to see “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”. All in all, a great night.

Saturday morning I ran 5 miles at a 9:12 pace, which nearly killed me, but thankfully didn’t. Parker had a soccer game later in the morning. His team lost 7-3 but he scored 2 goals, so that was exciting. Erica worked at the pretzel store Saturday afternoon/evening, so the kids played with their cousins and I got some writing done on my book in between helping out with laundry and cutting the grass.

(Family time AND writing. Have I mentioned I love Saturdays? Well, I do.)

Sunday morning I spoke at the 9am and 11am services at FLCC because our pastor (and my good friend) Sam and his wife Michele had their 5th child on Saturday morning. I spoke on what the Bible says about rebounding from failure, and really the chance to share. Thanks again Sam for the opportunity!

Sunday afternoon I enjoyed copious amounts of football ( I’m 12-3 against the spread so far this week…good enough to secure a Week 2 win in my picks league!), then we met with the young adult ministry that we help facilitate, and that went great.

Oh and as you can see, my amazing wife Erica was profiled in the paper this weekend! The “Who’s Cooking” article on page G10 of your Lancaster Sunday News, as written by Jeannette Scott. You can click here to read the whole thing, and to get the recipe, which seriously is probably the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten in my life, and I’m not exaggerating, though I am writing a really long run-on sentence.

Hope you’re weekend went great as well!

Wednesday Randomosity

Here’s 5 random things for a random Wednesday in August…and a caption please

1. I’m getting beaten pretty bad by Tyler Stanton right now in our race to 1000 Twitter followers. At the moment he’s got a 741-603 lead on me. If you’re on Twitter, follow me and I’ll follow you back. It’s a great way to keep tabs on each other. If you’re not on Twitter, consider this your personal invitation to join the party. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you’re a sellout for joining. It’s as cool as smoking cigs in junior high, only without the lung cancer.

2. Over at you’ll find a “Best Books of 2009 (so far)” article I contributed to. A bunch of Burnsiders tag teamed on the piece, and my blurb on Jason Boyett’s “Pocket Guide to the Afterlife” wound up at #6 on the list. (funny that those who wrote the article didn’t rank the books, that was done by the editor I guess)

3. In case you’re too lazy to click over and read it, here’s what I wrote about PGTTA:

In Pocket Guide to the Afterlife, Jason Boyett applies his tried and tested formula of equal parts knowledge, snark and authenticity to create another winner in his enjoyable line of pocket-sized books. While his guides to the Bible and the Apocalypse are entertaining reads, the format is never stronger than it is in Afterlife.  The reason for the success, no doubt, is the vast array of religious traditions and zany historical anecdotes that Boyett had to draw from in crafting the book. And while the strength of the guide lies in its captivating subject material, it’s the author’s signature blend of humor and intelligence that keep you laughing while turning one page after another. Whether you come for the knowledge or the laughs, you’re guaranteed to walk away from the book with ample doses of both. Is Pocket Guide to the Afterlife worthy of a spot in your casket when you die? Maybe not. But is it worthy of a spot on your Must Read List for 2009? You bet your (after)life.

4. Excited to speak in New Jersey on Saturday at Bodinestock II. I’m scheduled to speak at 2:30pm and 7:30pm and have to fill over an hour combined. A bit daunting, but it should go well. My first session is going to be lighter, as I’ll be weaving a bunch of amish pictures from the blog into some thoughts about being in the world but not of it. The evening session will be a little more inspirational and challenging for the kids. If you think of me on Saturday, say a prayer that it goes well.

5. Two weeks ago the Young Adult Ministry we help lead at our church helped some friends of ours move into a new house. The girls helped unpack boxes and set up rooms. The guys helped build temporary railings for the front and back steps so the house passed inspection. Yes, I helped put the railings on. Yes, I had no idea what I was doing. In fact, Caleb snapped this picture of me, which, for those of you who enjoy poking fun at me (and why wouldn’t you?), is definitely worthy of a caption.

How To Welcome Cyber Guests

Matthew Paul Turner asked me to guest post at his blog this week, and I was more than happy to contribute. It’s Sex Week at his blog (kinda like Shark Week), so if you’re looking for some honest discussion on sex, go check it out.

And if you’re looking specifically for my post, “Sex as a Puzzle”, he’s posting it at 10:30am – here’s the link.

And if you’re visiting here from MPT’s blog, welcome! Subscribe to the feed and give me a couple of weeks to see if I’m worth adding to your life.

Having new visitors got me thinking about the pressure a blogger can feel to impress a new crowd. In honor of that, here’s a helpful list of Do’s and Dont’s for welcoming new visitors.

Do’s and Don’ts of Welcoming Cyber Guests

DO point them to your best posts, like Noah’s Ark according to The Office, Best of the Ramblings, and my Welcome to Intercourse Amish posts.

DON’T point them to a post where you confess that you once worked at McDonald’s and ate chicken fajita meat out of your pocket.

DO put up a picture in which you think you look handsome [note to self: insert handsome picture here when i can find one].

DON’T put up a picture in which you’re either A) a scrawny junior higher wearing a Rude Dog tank top or B) wearing a fake mullet.  Like this:

Do let people know that Jason Boyett once wrote of you and your Twitter prowess, “Dude can write a one-liner”.

Don’t let people know that Jason still can’t get over the fact that you ate chicken out of your pockets.

Do let people know that you post 5 times a week, and most posts are attempts at humor.

Don’t let people know that sometimes nobody laughs.

Do let people know that you’re speaking in 3 different states this fall, and enjoy speaking to youth groups, men’s groups, and church groups.

Don’t let people know that you are a member of Skull and Bones, the Freemasons, MENSA, and AARP.

Do let people know about yourself. Introduce them to your beautiful wife and your two amazing kids.

Don’t introduce them to your imaginary literary agent, Jameson Coventry the III.

Hopefully that’s helpful for all you bloggers out there. Be sure to check out Matthew’s Blog and my guest post, and stay tuned here for more nonsense on a daily basis!