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hearing people complain about John Cougar Mellencrap’s “Our Country” commercials has become almost as annoying as hearing the actual commercials themselves.

If I was in a Fantasy Hollywood league for box office moneymakers, i would take Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell with my first two picks. I would steal Johnny Knoxville in the 11th round. I’d draft my uncle Tom before I drafted Kevin Costner.

No, I’m not gellin’. In fact, noone I know is gellin’.

i have a hunch that the original lyrics to James’ Taylor’s “shower the people you love with love song” was “shower the people you love with money”. But then he liked the way that “love with love” rolled off the tongue, so he changed it up. if you want my honest opinion, i think the money idea isn’t that bad.

what would happen if all of the world’s pushpins just fell out of their walls all at once? probably total anarchy.

it’s a good thing birds are stupid. i mean, they’re faster than us, they have pointy beaks that could rip us to shreds, and they can move in 3 dimensions when gravity has confined us to 2. I mean, if they ever got together and had some sort of brainstorming session with the top bird minds, they would probably get past this whole “what can we poop on next” thing and move to “let’s desroy the humans”. like i said, i’m glad they’re stupid.

i think yellow is a pretty underrated color. it just doesnt get the love that your blues and reds get. I’d like to say that blue is overrated, but let’s face it, it’s a pretty amazing color.

What’s that thing over your left shoulder?

Made you look.

Either Cream Cheese should be called Creamed Cheese or Creamed Corn should be call Cream Corn. We can’t have both. It’s nonsensical.

If i was a terribly mean person i would go up to a beggar with a $5 bill in each hand and offer him either one of them. Then when he went to grab for one of them i would say, “uh uh uh…beggars can’t be choosers” and i would give him the other $5 bill. In the end, he still gets $5. But since I’m not terribly mean, i probably would never do that.

If anyone can ever isolate the portion of the genetic code that makes your fingernails grow, i would love to know about it and have mine removed. Keeping them trimmed is almost as annoying as having long fingernails.

i love the word “porridge”. i’m thinking about adding it to my diet so that i can start saying it more often.

That’s all i got for today, have yourself a safe one…

ok, so i’m watching football this afternoon and i see a commercial for Saw III. How fast are they chugging out these movies? Didn’t the original Saw movie come out last year? And is there really that much of a demand for this stuff? I don’t get it…and speaking of things i don’t get, here’s some other random things I’ve been thinking about lately…

I’m not one of those people who passionately prefer Coke over Pepsi, or vice versa, and as a result I’m getting bored with the following conversation:

“Can I get a Sprite please?”

“Sierra Mist OK?”

“Yeah”

Maybe I should do a better job of figuring out which line of beverages the place sells before I order, but I think it should be universal that when I ask for a Coke, I just want a cola and when I ask for a Sprite, I want a white, carbonated, citrus flavored, caffeine-free beverage. I mean, let’s face it, Sprite, 7-Up, and Sierra Mist are all the same product in different packages anyway. You know it’s true.

Here in Lancaster County they have a county-wide trick-or-treat night. This year it happens to fall on New Year’s eve, but in years past it has been on a weekend night a few days before halloween. The whole concept is foreign to me because in Massachusetts you went trick-or-treating on Halloween night, no matter when it was.

I think it would be fun sometime to just walk around a restaurant and go up to other tables and ask “How’s everything today?” like those restaurant managers do from time to time. And then if people actually had a complaint I would say “Oh, I don’t actually work here, I was just wondering how you were doing.” Am I the only one who gets that urge?

Flying on a plane has forever changed for me after seeing the pilot episode of LOST. For 2 reasons actually. #1, Now when i fly, in the back of my head I’m hoping the plane doesn’t rip apart in two halves…can’t say I ever entertained that notion before, and #2, I actually think there’s a chance that I could survive if that did happen.

Gummi bears are the seasoned veterans of the candy world. They always know how to deliver, they never try to do too much, and they’ve been around for longer than you can remember.

The fact that “_____ for Dummies” and “The Idiot’s Guide to _____” are two of the best-selling book franchises in the nation tells some people that as a country we love to learn. It tells me that as a country we have pretty low self-seteem.
Headed to Boston tomorrow…updates to come.

• four games left in our softball season. we’ve got about a 2% chance of making the playoffs. we’re finally playing better…if only the season was 30 games instead of 18.
• i got a new wallet yesterday. a front pocket wallet. it’s a new day for me and frankly, i couldnt be happier.
• why is it that on the day you finally get a phone call you’ve been waiting for, your battery is almost dead. argh.
• kylie turns 5 this weekend. wow. i will now pretend like i am not freaked out by this.
• floyd landis is innocent. i will believe that until the day i die. or until his second test comes back positive.
• derek webb is selling some gear on ebay if you’re interested. i think there’s a strat and a keyboard up there.
• i’m golfing on monday and going to the beach on tuesday. if you think i’m excited, you’re not an idiot.
• heaven on earth is the perfect ear of corn smothered in butter and salt on a summer evening.
• hell on earth is being cut up with a dull screwdriver and boiled alive in hamster urine.
• if i was a professional walker for a living i think i would be skinnier
• The evil doctor Will is exceeding every expectation on Big Brother 7 this season. just a joy to watch.
• do you think the guy who invented the abacus ever saw the calculator coming?
• speaking of inventions, the guy who created the paperclip was a genius. he basically took a useless piece of wire, bent it 3 times, and changed the world.
• now that we have online dating and online banking, i think it’s only a matter of time before we have online eating. not sure how this will work, but i’m certainly not going to bet against it.
• do birds know that we can’t fly, or do they just think we’re scared to try?
• i think they should offer sporting events on TV that feature only the ambient sounds from the venue. no announcers. a few cameras micing crowd noise and on-field action. wouldn’t you check it out if you had the option?
• when it’s all said and done i think will ferrell falls somewhere in between chevy chase and bill murray in the court of public opinion. for me right now, there’s none better.
• the biggest farce ever perpetrated on the american public: the 5-day work week. i think we should all work 9 hour days 4 days a week. it will be a 36-hour work week instead of 40, and we’ll get more work done because we’ll have 3-day weekends year round. frankly, it’s brilliant. perhaps i should start an online petition. or maybe i’m just a doofus…

LOST continues to rock my world. i’ve never looked forward to a TV show this much before. not sure if its healthy.

nothing better than a really good burger when you’re hungry for one.

i have coffee in my coffee mug from last friday. 6 days. i just look at it every day and do nothing. maybe tomorrow i’ll clean it.

has anyone seen the sun? we can’t seem to find it here in the northeast.

speaking of the sun, or lackthereof . my body is revolting against me at 6:15am when the alarm goes off. looking forward to setting the clocks ahead.

1-4 in my first week of Pick76…not too good.

if this post was any drier, there would be tumbleweed at your feet as you read it…

me out